Imagine....
Monday, July 31, 2006
Life sucks today
Life fucking sucks today. That's the mood of me today. Fuck reading my blog cos you'll feel like fucking off and doing something stupid!
'Killing in the name of' has such a wonderful sound to me today! Go for it Rage boys!
Sunday, July 30, 2006
Back in the dreary Midlands
Well, there's my son doing a bit of crab fishing whilst on hol which he was amazed by. The reason I also choose this pic to show, is the bloody fab colour of the sea! Can you believe that water can be such a beautiful colour? A colour that really makes your heart melt! Well it did mine!
Had an interesting break and it felt good to be away from the Midlands and out of the city. Of course I now long to be near the beach and the sea, as we all do when we return from a holiday.
On my return home, I spoke to my ex and ended up in a big arguement, which reminded me about how much we need to get away from the shit that often surround us! Nice!
Back to the grind! Anyone know any handsome millionaires who fancy taking on a nutter for the rest of their lives? I jest of course!!
Humans eh? Don't ya just love 'em?
Friday, July 21, 2006
Apprehensive Excitement
Off to stay in a beautiful stone cottage tomorrow in Harlech, Wales. I'm excited but also a wee bit apprehensive, as it's the first time I've been on holiday on my own with my son. I'm going it alone.
It's gonna be weird in some strange way but it's also dead exciting too! Roaming around the village as a free woman and a mother! Scary stuff!
So I plan to take my son to the castle, along the beach, swimming, train journeying, hill walking, eating out and whatever else may take mine and my son's fancy.
People give me strength and wish me luck! This woman's apprehensively excited! Although my thoughts wish my dreams would come true and a loved one, was also with me but there you go.
On a long term level...What will be, will be. One wish is, that I was loved by him I love.
It's gonna be weird in some strange way but it's also dead exciting too! Roaming around the village as a free woman and a mother! Scary stuff!
So I plan to take my son to the castle, along the beach, swimming, train journeying, hill walking, eating out and whatever else may take mine and my son's fancy.
People give me strength and wish me luck! This woman's apprehensively excited! Although my thoughts wish my dreams would come true and a loved one, was also with me but there you go.
On a long term level...What will be, will be. One wish is, that I was loved by him I love.
God! today's a struggle
Had a load of dreams about someone I truly love last night and it's left me feeling really sad today. So, I'm having one of them 'bad' days today where everything feels like a struggle. In olden days they used to call these sort of moods 'black bile'..I certainly am a candidate for that today. But I know I need to get a grip.
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Moving contemplation
Today I took my son to Birmingham airport for his annual visit to stay with his Dad in Copenhagen Denmark. This entailed a train ride there and then back again.
On the journey back, I had chance to really go 'inside' my head and think about so many things that have happened recently and contemplate these things.
I realised that life does have to move on in some way. I don't like the prospect of this and although I've offered so much of myself in many ways, I realise that for some people, it's just not for them..Simple as - and in no way, should anyone ever feel the need to force something. As a good friend's Mum says
"You can't beat the forces of nature when it comes down to true love"
So, on a practical level, I hope my son has a wonderful time in the land of the Vikings whilst I have a quiet, solitary but wonderful time in the land of the Celts! I look forward to meandering along desolute beaches at sunset and sunrise. I look forward to peace and quiet and a new environment. I look forward to hills all around me and mystical myths and legends.
On my return I hope to be renewed, refreshed and enthusiatic about what lies ahead in life and let the forces of nature, guide me to my destiny.
On the journey back, I had chance to really go 'inside' my head and think about so many things that have happened recently and contemplate these things.
I realised that life does have to move on in some way. I don't like the prospect of this and although I've offered so much of myself in many ways, I realise that for some people, it's just not for them..Simple as - and in no way, should anyone ever feel the need to force something. As a good friend's Mum says
"You can't beat the forces of nature when it comes down to true love"
So, on a practical level, I hope my son has a wonderful time in the land of the Vikings whilst I have a quiet, solitary but wonderful time in the land of the Celts! I look forward to meandering along desolute beaches at sunset and sunrise. I look forward to peace and quiet and a new environment. I look forward to hills all around me and mystical myths and legends.
On my return I hope to be renewed, refreshed and enthusiatic about what lies ahead in life and let the forces of nature, guide me to my destiny.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Understanding
Something has to give
A good life for you to live
Is all that I desire
Red anger becoming tired.
Smile back on your face
Passion to make your heart race.
Out of the depths of hell
No more fear, sadness and yells.
All I can do is comfort
Offer love so true.
Understand the need for solace
When things get rough for you.
Always a wonder to me
Always a friend will be.
Love will never die
No matter how hard I try.
A good life for you to live
Is all that I desire
Red anger becoming tired.
Smile back on your face
Passion to make your heart race.
Out of the depths of hell
No more fear, sadness and yells.
All I can do is comfort
Offer love so true.
Understand the need for solace
When things get rough for you.
Always a wonder to me
Always a friend will be.
Love will never die
No matter how hard I try.
Always there
Always on my mind
Always in my heart
Can't depart so easy
From beloved heart.
Always there
Since we first met
Image of you -
Can't forget.
Touch from you
In my sense.
Smell of you
Feel present.
Never before
Felt so in love
Like a higher source
Taken over, from above.
Hmm ranting poems are returning..it's cathartic!
Always in my heart
Can't depart so easy
From beloved heart.
Always there
Since we first met
Image of you -
Can't forget.
Touch from you
In my sense.
Smell of you
Feel present.
Never before
Felt so in love
Like a higher source
Taken over, from above.
Hmm ranting poems are returning..it's cathartic!
And all because, the lady's moon is in Pisces
Moon in Pisces -
Me and a mate were discussing the amusement regarding star signs. However, I'm a bit of a believer in the Birth Chart and it's significance. I had my birth chart done years ago by an Astrologer mate and when I consider my moon sign, I think I understand everything now. My moon sign is in Pisces so here I go....
Tenderhearted and sympathetic to an unusual degree, you have an understanding of other people's feelings and needs which borders on being telepathic. You are extremely compassionate and cannot bear to see any fellow creature - be it human or animal - suffer. Because of your kindness and nonjudgmental attitude, people in pain or confusion are drawn to you for help, which you readily give. Sometimes your softheartedness is taken advantage of.
You are a gentle, poetic soul and have a great love and affinity for music. Because many of your feelings are nebulous and vague and you cannot easily verbalize how you experience life, music seems a natural language for you. You are also tremendously romantic.
Me and a mate were discussing the amusement regarding star signs. However, I'm a bit of a believer in the Birth Chart and it's significance. I had my birth chart done years ago by an Astrologer mate and when I consider my moon sign, I think I understand everything now. My moon sign is in Pisces so here I go....
Tenderhearted and sympathetic to an unusual degree, you have an understanding of other people's feelings and needs which borders on being telepathic. You are extremely compassionate and cannot bear to see any fellow creature - be it human or animal - suffer. Because of your kindness and nonjudgmental attitude, people in pain or confusion are drawn to you for help, which you readily give. Sometimes your softheartedness is taken advantage of.
You are a gentle, poetic soul and have a great love and affinity for music. Because many of your feelings are nebulous and vague and you cannot easily verbalize how you experience life, music seems a natural language for you. You are also tremendously romantic.
Selfish Fucker
Had a funny old day at work. I had a new student attend today who declared himself to be the "centre of the universe;he wanted things right-here right-now, everything had to revolve around him..blah, blah, fuckin blah!"
Who the fuck do people think they are to assume they are the centre of the universe?
I felt like saying to him,
"well actually sweetheart let me tell you a thing or two"
1. You're not the centre of the universe - you're a mere flea sucking off the back of what we call Planet Earth.
2. Your existence is as unimportant as mine and anyone elses.You're tiny in the general scheme of planet Earth and it's longevity.
3. Sometimes we have to wait in life and learn the value of patience and understanding.
4. Stop being such an egotistical, childish idiot and grow up.
Luckily, I didn't say these things but they echoed in my mind as he was reeling off his dialogue.
Dear, oh dear me, this person really needs to realise that the world actually owes him no favours whatsoever and the only way in life that he'll be happy, is when he appreciates the goodness around him and understand that, in fact, Planet Earth is doing him a favour by letting him live on the fucker!!
Who the fuck do people think they are to assume they are the centre of the universe?
I felt like saying to him,
"well actually sweetheart let me tell you a thing or two"
1. You're not the centre of the universe - you're a mere flea sucking off the back of what we call Planet Earth.
2. Your existence is as unimportant as mine and anyone elses.You're tiny in the general scheme of planet Earth and it's longevity.
3. Sometimes we have to wait in life and learn the value of patience and understanding.
4. Stop being such an egotistical, childish idiot and grow up.
Luckily, I didn't say these things but they echoed in my mind as he was reeling off his dialogue.
Dear, oh dear me, this person really needs to realise that the world actually owes him no favours whatsoever and the only way in life that he'll be happy, is when he appreciates the goodness around him and understand that, in fact, Planet Earth is doing him a favour by letting him live on the fucker!!
Ray of light
Although I'm feeling less than happy at the moment, I've been sort of touched by some beautiful people in cyberworld. Had some sweet messages and general enquiring as to how I am..How thoughtful of those people to take the time out and be so sweet and caring. My son also walked into my bedroom today and said
"Ahh Mum, you look really nice today"
This touched my heart, the only difference today is I'm wearing a skirt! Maybe he senses I'm in a dark space right now and wanted to bring some light to it for me. I always thought my youngest son has some gift with perception.
So although I went to bed terribly sad and woke up to tears, these few things have encouraged me to get on with today.
"Ahh Mum, you look really nice today"
This touched my heart, the only difference today is I'm wearing a skirt! Maybe he senses I'm in a dark space right now and wanted to bring some light to it for me. I always thought my youngest son has some gift with perception.
So although I went to bed terribly sad and woke up to tears, these few things have encouraged me to get on with today.
Monday, July 17, 2006
Monday's thoughts
Had a chilled weekend at a festival near Lincoln. Danced till 4am and watched the sun rise around the festival fire, whilst being accompanied by musicians playing guitar,sitar and drums.. Fire's make you contemplate so many things, just watching flames takes you on a bit of an en-trancing journey. My journey consisted of what's happened to me in the last few years..quite alot to deal with really when I consider these things.
I returned home today feeling sort of like I'd had a good time but also really sad when I reflected about things that happened last week and also realising that I feel deflated.
At the moment I have no inspiration for poetry writing so I'm sorry about that for those who enjoy reading them. I'll post some when I feel a little more inspired.
I returned home today feeling sort of like I'd had a good time but also really sad when I reflected about things that happened last week and also realising that I feel deflated.
At the moment I have no inspiration for poetry writing so I'm sorry about that for those who enjoy reading them. I'll post some when I feel a little more inspired.
Flat
1. How do you deal with the fact that someone you so love, don't love you?
2. Why do I keep getting upset?
3. Am I such an unlovable creature?
4. Emotions were banned today - how long did that last for?
5. Why won't his image go out of my head?
6. Do I need to abandon cyberworld forever?
These are the questions plaguing my mind today.
2. Why do I keep getting upset?
3. Am I such an unlovable creature?
4. Emotions were banned today - how long did that last for?
5. Why won't his image go out of my head?
6. Do I need to abandon cyberworld forever?
These are the questions plaguing my mind today.
Monday
Today as you know is Monday.
Today I'm not talking about emotional stuff one bit. I'm saying goodbye to emotion and getting used to flatness.
I had a spaced out weekend and one that suited my headspace so that's all good.
Today I'm not talking about emotional stuff one bit. I'm saying goodbye to emotion and getting used to flatness.
I had a spaced out weekend and one that suited my headspace so that's all good.
Friday, July 14, 2006
A reminder of last Friday Night
Running to the station holding hands
Now the volcano is flowing red
Something there will change us into sand
Now we'll be forever holding hands
Lava and tephra will form our bed
Now the royal flames of Pompeii bless
All our senses...
Now the volcano is flowing red
Something there will change us into sand
Now we'll be forever holding hands
Lava and tephra will form our bed
Now the royal flames of Pompeii bless
All our senses...
Thursday, July 13, 2006
Inspired
After my wonderful weekend, I was inspired to buy the Flaming Lips CD. On Friday night, I heard this for the first time and was taken aback by how beautiful and indeed different, the songs are on the CD. The songs take you through a range of emotions on many levels and bring a sense of clarity at times.
There are some truly moving tunes on this CD and some of the quieter, more instrumental tunes take me lovingly back to Fiday night and remembering how warm and special this time was.
There are some truly moving tunes on this CD and some of the quieter, more instrumental tunes take me lovingly back to Fiday night and remembering how warm and special this time was.
Please Remember
I just want a friend to know how important he is to me and I'd miss his mind, heart and soul if he weren't around.
Just a simple thought for today..
Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself. Do not lose courage in considering you own imperfections but instantly set about remedying them -every day begin the task anew.
And a poem for my friend
by Emily Dickinson
It's all I have to bring today –
This, and my heart beside –
This, and my heart, and all the fields –
And all the meadows wide –
Be sure you count – should I forget
Some one the sum could tell –
This, and my heart, and all the Bees
Which in the Clover dwell.
Just a simple thought for today..
Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself. Do not lose courage in considering you own imperfections but instantly set about remedying them -every day begin the task anew.
And a poem for my friend
by Emily Dickinson
It's all I have to bring today –
This, and my heart beside –
This, and my heart, and all the fields –
And all the meadows wide –
Be sure you count – should I forget
Some one the sum could tell –
This, and my heart, and all the Bees
Which in the Clover dwell.
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
An Offering
Pale blue,
I laid my head.
Pale blue to red, from your desire.
A gift for you,
Golden hair
Delicate, precious, in your care.
Aroma for you,
Love divine
An offering to you, so true of mine.
Scent of you
Remains on me
Comforts my heart, sets me free.
Muscular thighs,
Comfort me.
Moulding my body, Embracing me.
I laid my head.
Pale blue to red, from your desire.
A gift for you,
Golden hair
Delicate, precious, in your care.
Aroma for you,
Love divine
An offering to you, so true of mine.
Scent of you
Remains on me
Comforts my heart, sets me free.
Muscular thighs,
Comfort me.
Moulding my body, Embracing me.
Getaway
In a few weeks time I'm off to Harlech, North Wales with my son. I love this part of North Wales as it's quite desolute in many ways but has an 'upbeat' village, set right on the top of a big hill, with art galleries, mystical castle, restaurants - even a new curry house!, long, empty white sanded beaches with large sand dunes! My, how much fun can there be had in sand dunes!
I'm hoping to head further north if finances permit and possibly go over to Anglesey for a few days.
So, I look forward to my break away but I know there'll be one thing missing from my holiday, which would make it even more perfect; The heart does yearn..but the heart and soul has beautiful memories from the weekend, of sharing good music, wine, feelings and thoughts..:)
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