Coming to terms with Real Love

I live in my head and dreams. Always have done and I guess always will. I follow my heart and I throw myself in without caution. I guess this is down to the fact that I am a very passionate person and thus an emotional person.. A month down the line of being with the new man, I am realising that when real love is offered to me, on the level that the man offers to me, at times, scares the shit out of me!
Maybe I have always had difficulty accepting genuine love on some level and thus, have possibly throughout much of my life, chosen men who are 'emotionally distant or controlling'.
The new man, constantly reassures me - my trust has been broken from the past and thus, this is posing the fear of trusting again. The days away from him have in some ways, been wobbly for me and left me feeling needy and yet, I couldn't wish for a better person to rebuild my trust..as he says to me..

"I am walking beside you and I am going nowhere unless you tell me to Fuck off"

And I genuinely believe him. When I think about the words spoken to me last weekend, I have been deeply touched and need to remind myself that this love is real. To be told that he has been drawing me ( the features I have) all of his life in his facial pictures, blew me away!
This love doesn't hurt me, it supports me, it works with me, it listens and understands me, it lets me be free, it practices honesty, it's passionate and romantic and kind and caring..I could kick myself at times..
Just goes to show how low my self esteem has been. To accept a person tell you that you are beautiful, that they could draw almost every line and mole on your body is an amazing and wonderful thing..and is what I have searched for in a partner for all of my life. I now just need to work on accepting and letting love move the way it should do naturally..

Hip Manchester

Manchester, what a brill vibe going on this city! My 4 day break with the man was wonderful! The place feels sort of cosmopolitan and happening on so many levels. Of course the place also has its fair share of social problems and poverty as any other city in the UK but I actually really enjoyed my time there and loved the relaxed and buzzing feeling.
The photos? The pillars? this is a night view of Manchester Art Gallery - a brill gallery with some great works including Henry Moore, Lowry, Mogliadini to name a few. Visiting the art gallery with the new man was a treat and a beautiful and romantic experience.
The marble pillar? This is the man's local pub and apparently, used to be a bank - such a grand and beautiful building this is for sure.

The kissers? the man and me of course..

We had a great time. Walking around a large reservoir and canal, visiting the gallery, a Chinese meal out in Chinatown followed by some rauccous dancing at a brill little venue called The Tiger Lounge - playing kitsch and retro sounds..right up my street! On arrival back to the man's area at 5am, we decided to head straight home, although we were tempting each other to head to a near reservoir to watch the sun rise .BUT too much booze and tiredness deterred us though and I'm sure we'll do this another time when on my next visit and we also think we'll head skinny dipping in the reservoir - hopefully we won't get arrested!

Leaving him was hard today, really choked me up but I know that when Friday comes, he'll be zooming his way up to my open arms again and I really await to be in his arms again!

The Old Art of Letter Writing...

Letter writing? Always loved doing it and always love receivinga hand written letter. Sadly, I guess people don't write handwritten letters that much anymore due to e communication..of course e communication is a good thing but handwritten letters just feel so wholesome!

I recieved a beautiful love letter today from the man..really lovely and touched me deeply. So much time, energy, patience, beauty and love is contained in this letter, that i'll treasure it so much. There's something so romantic too about receiving a handwritten letter and I guess I'm just a sucker for old traditions on some level.

Off to Manchester I trek this weekend - 3 days of bliss with the lovely man. We have lots of plans up our sleeve. The Manchester Art Gallery, The Lowry, some beautiful park with woodlands and lakes, the local pub, a pub on Oxford Road that I want to return to which I don't think the Man has ever been to. A rock/punk pub that the man wants to show me. Alongside this, we have to find a way of getting a bath! The man's boiler has broken and he isn't sure it'll be up and running for when I arrive so apparently, a trip to his Mum and Dad's might been in the equation for bathing!

Life feels so wonderfully light and beautfiul right now and my reflection is staring back at me in the pure form of he who feels like my other soul..

Relics of the Past

I love old architecture and buildings and thus, remembered that a while back there was a wonderful programme on TV about restoring some of Britain's old buildings of which, Victoria Baths in Manchester was one. I remember way back then thinking how much I would love to see this Victorian relic and feel its atmosphere, decor and social divisive ways that the Victorians adhered to. So it looks like I will get the chance to see this place when I visit Manc. Talked to the man about this place and he's unaware of the building and then realised he lives really close to it!

http://www.victoriabaths.org.uk/

Both agreed that we'd like to spend alot of time wondering around looking at this piece of historical beauty! I sent a love card to the man yesterday..haven't sent one of those for a long time.. along with a poem that I wrote about him and me. Apparently, he has also wrote me a letter and I look forward to reading what he's wrote gosh! Wow, I await with a smile and I really am trying to contain myself until I next see him but it's bloody hard, my it is!

Greece? Here we come!

Finalised. Greece wandering.. not alone any longer but with my boyfriend... gosh. I told him that if we hate each other by August, which I actually think is highly unlikely, I am going to push him out of the aeroplane window! Gently gently, we said but hell, no, here we go again and we've now booked his flight. Luckily, my hotel room is a double and the owner is only charging us 10 euros extra for him to accompany me. Bloody cool stuff!
I'm so excited and I know in many ways, 3 months is far too long to wait but patience is the key. Still, I can't fuckin wait either and I was told the loveliest of things today.

'Anywhere in the world would be wonderful with you'

What a lucky woman I am - Goodness has finally arrived at my door.

Take it by the bollocks?

Fuckinell, so it's decided. The Manc and I are officially in a relationship! God. Ain't it amazing how things just happen without any forewarning? I was not, completely NOT looking for a relationship, mainly cos of the past few years of let downs. However, sometimes it's just not good enough to let a good thing pass you by and the Manc, I truly feel, is possibly my soul mate. Hard to describe but everything with him and about him is so easy, honest, open, loving and as we both put it to each other, our feelings are mutual.. Taking life by the bollocks? Truly am for life could end tomorrow and I want to experience him and all he is about, just as much as he does me..the words he has spoken to me have humbled and made me feel completely empowered and truly special..

Thus, we have decided to go away together. He will be booking a flight to Athens with me and coming on holiday.. Can't wait! We both want to hire bikes, swim, snorkel, walk, club, get drunk, visit another island, love, play and nurture. I'm trying to not get too ahead of myself and keeping it all real but you know, it all feels so very real anyway so why put a lid on the realness? And you know, thoughts of him make my belly and heart feel fluffy, warm and whole.. 'kinell!!!!!
Wow!!!!

Lightness and beginnings

A weekend that will not be forgotten very easily my friends. After deciding to spend our time together in Nottingham, the Manc man and I enjoyed a wonderful time together, we really did. I was given a beautiful gift on his arrival and one that I'll treasure!
I showed him the Trip to Jerusalem, of which of course we got rather inebriated. Saturday, we went for a long, long walk until late and then when we finally arrived back at mine, we went to eat out for Chinese and had a drink or too. Today, we went for Sunday dinner and then walked the canal into Nottingham with a few stops along the way. We got on so well and it is with sadness that I have to wait for 2 weeks until I next see him, this is a long time but patience, understanding and trust will surely be the key to dealing with this... I know I will at times, possibly panic and worry but I feel reassured.
Whilst in his company, I dreamt, for the first time in ages, about water..pools on pools of water, fearful to step in the water but calm and beautiful water..this to me, feels extremely symbollic!

I have a flutter in my heart, a light and beautiful flutter and I won't go into detail but when I say that I feel scared, you may get what I mean. I don't mean scared in the 'frightened of this person' sense, I mean in the 'letting my heart run free' sense. I don't know where this will all go and of course day by day is the key but everything feels so good. So very good...I may even have a travelling companion in August if I so desire and it looks to be a big possibilty. This man is a gent and has treated me like a princess..I'd forgotten what that feels like!
Yet everything feels so light, easy and he makes me laugh, lord does he make me laugh like you would not believe...I think this is the beginning of something.

Falling falling falling
--- said,
Head over heels
-- said,
Inspiring his art,
Opening her heart.
Embracing around the smoke,
Fighting back the urge of tears -
They choked.
Where will it all go?
Keep a lid on it.
In time.. lift the lid; fly high....

Art, Excitement, laughter and Ashes to ashes

My new Mancunian friend, at last, has allowed me to see his art work via cyberworld! He downplays it but I'm more than impressed with what he creates - I wish he'd let me see his portfolio of work but maybe once we've got to know each other better then he will..

So I'm so excited about seeing the manc this weekend, feel sick, anxious, happy, manic - all of the feelings that appear when you've met someone new to whom you start to like..
We've had a lot of contact since the weekend and he's as nervous as me about seeing each other - I'm glad he lets me know this, it feels reasuring on some level and indeed, good that he can communicate about such things. I guess we'll eat out, do some pubs, maybe visit art galleries or some nice old buildings and he's into graveyards! Can't believe that the manc is a graveyard fan! Awesome. So apart from all of the nerve crap, I've found alot of time to laugh about things and remember that life is for living in the light..and I do feel light in my heart right now- this is a good thing.

Ashes to Ashes? Been really enjoying it and I love the throwback to the 80s; music, fashion, humour, right on politics and challenging stereotypes..really good! I love the actress who plays Alex, I think she's brilliant and will make sure I watch every damn programme!

Here's to the weekend and whatever it may bring...

Wellis Fool Hip Hop and Romantic Ponderings..

Oh God, I feel sick, sick with nerves that I have arranged to see the Manc this weekend. I can't wait and neither can he!! We messaged each other and he phoned me from work - the man does not own a mobile! Fuckin excellent stuff! I like this and neither did I own one up until 3 years or so ago..He admitted to me that he thought the weekend was 'crackin'..! To hear that Mancunian accent aswell, blimey, you have NO IDEA!!! What a sweet soul - sharing the fact that he's nervous about seeing me again but can't wait! Wow.. all a bit exciting and something lovely to look forward to! The weird thing is, although I feel nervous, I also feel really calm about him and have a good feeling with this - like it's just easy. We're planning to meet each other once decided who is travelling to where, head for a drink and then maybe something to eat!

Anyway, meanwhile back in grounded world, I have come across a good Hip Hop Artist called Wellis Fool. A complete and brilliant wordsmith and indeed, music maker. Go check him out if you have an incline for Hip Hop. It's refreshing to hear lyrics of the politico type and this guy is about politics and change in the world, hence me bigging the man up! Good things come to those who practice goodness? Yes, I think it does...

Mmm Hmmm camping, nature and a potential spark for a new friendship..

What a great weekend in Sara world. My friend and I went off to The Peaks for our nature worship and indeed, for my love of walking up humoungous hills! I climbed Hollins Cross and then over to mam Tor, all alone, all in peace and all feeling so wonderfully free and happy!

Later on in our camping break, a guy struck up conversation with me asking if I'd like to play ball later. Of course, I said, and after much fun in the pub, met up with him to play ball! However, we ended up going for a moonlit walk around the village, sat on a small hill talking about life and philosophising as you do, headed back to my tent for a drink and stayed up all night under the stars talking. He is, I might add, a dear!
A Mancunian salt of the earth dear. He reminded me about the sweetness and sensitivities of men and made it quite clear that he would like to be in touch with me for camping, walks, visits to Nottingham or Manchester. I await.

But you know, I hope this friendship develops, I don't know why but my gut feeling about this guy is one of honesty, truth, love and sincerity. He's also a father, has 3 kids who he sees regularly, loves art, loves walking and old buildings, cycles and doesn't own a car. Sounds great. The man is a gent, he and his mates helped me and my friend with our bags when heading back to catch our train. We hugged and said our farewells but I hope our farewell is a new hello. and I feel excited and alive..ain't it weird when you meet a new person and you just 'click'? Weird that we felt so at home in each other's company..who knows, could be a long and fun friendship about to develop and in all honesty, I really do want to see him again,if not for the pure laugh factor cos he makes me smile and he made me laugh and laugh and laugh!

Ahh Life...

Life is just seeming to get a whole lot better. I think the darkness is lifting and I guess this is because we change mindsets and circumstances. Today has been a good one, working with some learners on Graffiti art and Egyptian influenced art work. The eye of Horus and the Ankh. I enjoy teaching art and indeed, facilitating and inspiring artistic thought!

Yoga is certainly great for me. I feel grounded, confident and back to my old self. Of cpurse, when exterior problems from others have been a factor then no wonder our life and emotions become affected on some level!

My son's Dad and I have also agreed our duties to our son over the summer period. This means that I get some lone time whilst my son shares some good time with his Father during the holidays. Because of this, as you know, I have gone and flippantly booked myself a lone flight to Athens whereby I will then catch a ferry to one of the closer Aegean islands, hire a bike and do some sightseeing, swimming, beaching and of course the obligatory night time partying Greek style! So many people have asked me why I would go alone. But you know, travelling alone really does not bother me. In many ways, I find it exciting, a challenge and good fun and most of the time, you can guarantee that I will meet new people along the way. I can't afford this trip in all honesty but to hell with that, you only live with once and I don't often get a week alone so, hell for leather I say.

A good friend of mine has mentioned the possibility of going away in the next couple of weeks, a new town for the weekend or camping. There's been no firm decisions as yet but it all sounds good to me.

My son? He's a lucky little fellow. I paid for him and his Dad (as his Dad's bday present)to go and watch the last Forest match this Saturday. This is the first time my son has been to a match with his dad and I know he's looking forward to it; they connect on this level and thus, it only seems right that my son chose this as a birthday pressie for his Dad. Thank God they have a son and father relationship, it's so important in my opinion and it's sort of positive that me and his Dad can still maintain some civilness and mature approach to each other, even though we have been split for such a long time. In many ways, this is a blessing, it really is.

Swine flu? This seems worrying to me. The Mexicans are having a hard time of it, so it seems..I wonder where this will all lead to? Makes you really wonder..

Relationships? I've decided that I'm best out of them for the time being now. It is the only way forward for me in all reality right now. I put so much emotional energy into them, especially the last one, I fall in love and then it seems it gets all pushed back at me and then I get hurt..some people just don't like to tell truths so for now, I think the best is to be free and single and then there is no chance or risk of getting emotionally burnt.
This part of the lyrics from the song Turquoise make me think about how soft we amd the heart can be and thus, we need to protect it..

Your smile beams like sunlight on a gull's wing
And the leaves dance and play after you
Take my hand and hold it as you would a flower
Take care with my heart, oh darling, she's made of glass


If I get asked out for a drink or meal etc, then maybe so. But when a deeper involvement is the case, I really am going to be picky from now on, take my time to REALLY get to know what the person is about and make my decsion then and if ever, ever again, there are any 'still loved' ex'es in the equation, I'm running away as fast as fuck!!

Thursday, I have a whole day in the city. Off to yoga again, off to visit a friend in the city for a small while, who I haven't seen in quite a long time. I'll then take myself for something to eat somewhere cheapish and nice, maybe chuck in a bit of art gallerying in the city, then off to a union meeting until early evening! An action and productive day for sure..

Beauty of Francois Hardy

Me being a hardened music fan, have recently been listening to an old favourite French singer of mine - Francois Hardy. She has a terribly beautiful and calming voice and her 60s sounds are just so gorgeous.I guess I'd be a fool to choose my favourite songs of hers but I do sway towards the tracks Mon Amie La Ros eand L'amitie, both for their tune and their lyrics..

'mon amie la rose' - English translation lyrics

We are fleeting
And my friend the rose told me that this morning

At the dawn I was born
Baptized with dew
I blossomed
Happy and amorous
In the ray of the sun
I closed at night
I woke up old

Though I was beautiful
Yes, I was the most beautiful flower in your garden

Look at the God that made me
Make me bow my head and I feel I am falling
My heart is almost naked
I have one foot in the grave
I already no longer exist

You admired me yesterday and I will be dust forever tomorrow

The moon stayed by the side of with my friend this night
In a dream I have seen, blinding and naked
Her soul that was dancing far beyond the highest clouds
And it was smiling at me

Believe the one who wants to believe
I need hope, otherwise I am nothing


and L'amite..So Many Friends

so many friends have come and gone like you have done
I meet them for a while between the rain and sun
like birds of passage sheltering from a stormy sky
we get to know each other while the clouds pass by

they always leave a little of themselves behind
a tenderness and sympathy so hard to find
they listen to my troubles with a look so wise
but often there's a touch of sadness in their eyes

like you, you came to me, from the storm
you came to me and I kept you warm

so many friends of mine before have done the same
they go away from me as quickly as they came
their hearts are full of tenderness and love to share
with all the lonely people they meet everywhere

who knows exactly what the future has in store
one thing I know for certain, I've got one friend more
a friend in need will always find a friend in you
maybe some day when I'm alone you'll see me through

some day, I'll come to you from the storm
I'll come to you and you'll keep me warm

Life Affirming Dream

Yesterday I had a proper heavy day of teaching, full on and one of my students was what would be probably classed as ADHD, all day BLOODY LONG - hard work for sure and to top it all, I was feeling really emotional! Anyway, doomladen and feeling sorry for myself, I had a lovely bath last night but had a good cry in the bath which is sad but it has to come out somehow, read in bed and got an early night..
Anyway, me being such a wonderful sleeptime dreamer to the point where I remember many of them very clearly, I was given the fortunate experience to remember a beautiful dream this morning. I woke up veary early around 5ish and this was what I remembered..

Dream scenario.

' I was walking around the Hockly area of Nottingham, feeling a little down and sorry, but really becoming excited about the lovely shops there, with all unusual things in; secondhand shops, antiquey shops, retro, jewellery. As I walked passed an old fashioned building, with a beautiful double door frontage of Oak wood, a man ran out to me, from said building which was a Hairdresser's, he was golden blonde with short hair and had a kind face. I don't know this person in real life or at least I haven't met him. He told me I was 'good looking' and gave me the widest warm smile. This made me smile and made me feel good, after all, I have been through a load of shit and sadness recently!
I felt like I was 20 years old again! I continued to walk down the street into another old building whereby I went to get some lunch. The decor was grand but beatnik and I felt very relaxed in the place whilst I ate some nice food. I left the place and the dream ended'

I woke up this morning feeling better and almost like life has been reaffirmed for me! I felt happier and ready to face the world. Sometimes you know, I do think I have some bloody angel or some such looking after me..I'm not a crank and I'm reasonably sane but in times when I've been lower than low, these poignant reminders it seems, are put in my place and indeed, make me feel good again. Interesting stuff and I wonder who the man was! Maybe he was my guardian angel but he looked different to the angel visitation dream man, that appeared in my dream sometime back...Fascinating and watch this space for more of my wonderful dream journals! Maybe my guided path is getting closer..funny thing is too, I read some of my Living in the Light book again last night and that book is almost magical, trust me!

Another weird thing is, I was feeling broody not so long ago! Don't think I'll be having any more babies to be honest now but I thought to myself if I ever had the pleasure to bear a daughter, I would, or would've named her 'Mae Rose'. I love this name and it dawned on me when I sat with another soul, not so long ago..weird how we have these thoughts I guess.. But Mae and Rose? Beautful names..

Cherry Blossom healing

Cherry blossom petals,
Shine softly through,
The wind blows soft and gentle,
The leaves stay green and true.
Take me to a restful place,
a soulful peaceful hue.
Close down the darkness of April,
A fresh dawn spring - sweet and new..

Cherry blossom softness,
Raining through my heart,
Lift my soul and conquer,
What others tore apart..
Bring me peace and love -
To rest forever more..
Heal my soul of sadness
Cure my heart so sore...

Where Have I been?

Yes, where have I been of late? Climbing up hills and enjoying nature..indeed, finding peace and perspective out there in nature - works for me and always has done. Had a lovely time in The Peaks with my son, my friend and her kids. I've booked to go over there again soon for a long weekend, this time without kids and with the aim of really letting the hair down..whatever that may mean. May take bikes to do some cycling but the aim is to walk, enjoy nature, hit th pubs, maybe meet some fellow walkers or indeed, mountain bikers and maybe spark some drunken funny conversations as often tends to be the case when two lone females are part of the equation!

Time to spread my wings and fly people. New happenings, new openings, new life style, new friends, new dawns and a different way forward making different choices that DO NOT reflect the last 3 years of the choices I have blurrily made. A sad lesson to learn for me but no doubt a constant reminder and like being pinched hard on the arm that me, yes me, has better places to go now. Life must move forward to new, fresh and positive places and attracting this in my life. Yeps, life has been in a foggy place but at times, ties have to be cut I guess when they affect you on some level. The key too is not to sentimentalise things but keep on the rational and head side. The heart has to be put on hold now for complete worthiness and although I am in love the only way to be loved is when it is reciprocated!

Today I received a lovely postcard from a sweet Portugese friend of mine. He's out in France at the minute for a few weeks and thus, was great to hear that he's doing good. He's back in the UK again next week but sweet that he thought to send me a postcard with a lovely picture of the town he's staying in. I like these little things that people do and you know, it makes you realise about those whose hearts are BIG and Wide and Open!

I have an invite out this weekend, to which I have agreed. Should be interesting and I'm feeling rather excited about it cos there should be dancing and music involved, always good by me.

My son, bless him, discovered he is on Google street map! Haha, his mates told him that he was on one of the phtos near their house - outside, propped up on his bike and alas, we type in the postcode and there he is! What a nightmare but how funny..he said, Hmm can't belive they caught me on that picture! CUTE! So imposing though these things, they really are.

Thinking about heading to a CND demo/Vigil soon in memoriam of Chernobyl and in opposition to the proposed building/renewal of Nuke power stations. I hate Nuke power and I hate the thought of Govt's spending more dosh on them..If I decide to travel to the demo, then it's a day of gatherings, tea, cake music and discussion followed by camping on the beach overnight to a candlelight vigil the following day.. A long way to travel to the place in question but I feel this is the way forward for me in life. I can't keep sitting back and not doing anything that I essentially, feel passionate about. My weekends are fairly free so what a way to start giving precious time to..Yes, I feel the future is dawning on me and I feel that the decsions I am making about many things and indeed in protection of myself and my sanity, are certainly the right ones..

I found this quote the other day and at the moment for me, it sums up how I feel. I don't mean to sound negative but it makes me feel that I can truthfully trust in nature so very much, for it does heal me and it does nurture me, it doesn't let me down and I can rely and trust on what it gives and says to me..
I know that one day, this will come again from possibly a loving 'male' human and hopefully I will be able to trust but for now, nature has been a small saviour to me..or should I say a large saviour? Hmm that surely is one to ponder I fear!


Study nature, love nature, stay close to nature. It will never fail you.

Mum's Insight, Realisation and Peception to do the right thing..

My Mum, may she rest in peace, always used to tell me that I was 'too caring', 'too understanding' and that this may, or may not, do me any favours. I look at my life over the past few years and I realise that by being all of the above, this has done me no favours whatsoever.
Indeed, by putting trust where trust shouldn't have been put, by caring and and being kind, has meant that I have been fooled with. Now don't get me wrong, I don't feel embarrassed or anything about this because I guess I come from a place in my mind and heart that people, on the simplest level are 'only human', and can see regret and remorse etc. I am, or should I say was, a BIG believer in the view that people can change. I'm not so sure aynmore because when people continue in the cysces of destruction and devastation that hurts others, then maybe change never does happen essentially. Now, I don't want to sound bitter either because I am actually not and that is the truth, I'm more or less saddened more than anything.
This also leads me to think and indeed, realise that I need to go with my gut and intuitive feelings from now on.. To deny this has caused me pain and looking back, I should've got out of a situation last summer rather than being so trusting. I also don't like to have a tough shell around me, and I do wear my heart on my sleeve and this, I will always continue to do so bvut I guess the difference now is, that when the gut feeling kicks in about a situation and dishonesties, then I need to run as fast as possible..
And truths? Well, we all deserve to know the truth do we not? Or am I naive in thinking this? Is it not an honourable thing to speak with honesty? Or am I living way back in some rose tinted past? Your thoughts would be welcomed about this but you know, I have made firm decisions that now will lead me forward into new territory.
I await a 2 day break up in the Peaks this week which will I know, refresh me and put the last few months into perspective and give me the well needed strength and courage to break away...

Birmingham antics..and collectivism

Birmingham? My stay there was good. Just what I needed. The union course was brilliant with a well informed trainer who'd been active in the Miner's strikes of the 80s and a then active member of the NUM and now Unison and UCU. I thought these types were a dying breed, they're still in existence but they're an aging population and need to be revered when I think about all of the political knowledge and experience they hold. The emphasis on collective action and proaction was inspiring and affirming for me..
So, apart from feeling more fired up and wanting to get more active, I also managed to see a band called Broken Records at The Glee Club, which is in the arty/Gay/China Quarter of Birmingham. This band were fantastic! I think they're going to be big given time - so musically diverse with so much instrumental talent in the band, keep a look out for them! I had a drink in a gay bar, which I have been in before and I love the atmosphere in there, The Old George I think it's called..but a lovely little traditional pub!

I also managed to take a look in at Birmingham Art Gallery, loved the Buddhist Gallery and the naked men on the walls - all that power in those paintings, amazing that such pictures can be created from paint and the human hand and mind..

Retro shop? I found a cool one and picked up a nice pair of boots and a lovely pink coat for the grand total of £30! Wonderful stuff.

On the way home, a colleague from my work place, who I've never met before, even though we're in the union at work and he's an activist, were talking about absence from work. He made me laugh when he told me that he uses latin terms for his illness if he's off work with sickness; Takes a Thesaurus, looks for the latin word of Diarrhoea and writes this down, laughed my head off at this! Yes people, there's spirit in some of the nation still for sure and that's where my heart and soul belongs.. and I guess, always has done and always will..Wish more of the nation would collectivise themselves, I really do.

Tonight I hope to attend a poetry event, should be interesting and no doubt I will report back to my cyber diary!

Thoughts at bedtime

In times of universal deceit, telling the truth will be a revolutionary act.

Good Old George Orwell! Not many of the old revolutionarys left though I fear! But at least I can rest in peace and remember that Goerge I think, would've honoured me!

The art of using deceit and cunning grow continually weaker and less effective to the user.

How true and from my recent experience, this has been validated. Thye truth never lies!

Lucky for Me

Spoke to my son's Dad and luckily, he's going to stay at mine with my son whilst I attend the union training course. I don't really like him to stay at mine and I know he doesn't either but at the end of the day, it ain't about mine or his feelings but what is best for our son and getting to school if he's better or indeed, being in his own space with his toys and things..

Google street map? Have you seen this facility? I don't like it - how imposing is it? I can see my front room, my windows are open and thank God I'm not shagging or anything in the view of the window when the picture was taken! Talk about invasion of privacy! I guess it's good if you're trying to find a place for holiday and how to get there and what it looks like but apart from that, it's too scary!

Everything is coming into perspective for me. I can't believe how terribly destructive and dishonest humans can be..I think I need to have my antenna completely alert from now on, either that or becomne a fuckin nun! Don't get me wrong, my feelings for the guy are really strong but I ain't being no pushover and when you don't get honesty from a person then sometimes, you have to do a little bit of your own investigation to find out the truth - even if, the truth can fucking hurt. Rather truth than lies for sure though..Rather love than hate but maybe the time has now come to selectively choose who I fall in love with? Can you do that? I don't know cos I'm a believer that we have no control over love, do we? I really am confused as can be seen..Ah well, bring on the self love! But you know, deep down, someone out there is walking towards my destiny and they will not fuck me over or play childish games.And so the world turns...

Monday action

Woke up today and my son wasn't feeling too great so, I decided it was for the best, for him to have a day off school. This has meant I've had to take a day off work but I've been working a little at home and catching up on a few bits and bobs and also, enabled me to get on top with other things that I need to sort out.
I've decided to get an overall health check again so off to the Health Shop go I, in a few weeks - the people in there are really friendly and indeed I have an appointment for a few weeks time. Let's hope I get a clean bill but who knows what the outcome will be. Thank God we have services like this that enable people to attend appointments in a non judgemental manner!!

My glands are still swollen but not as bad as last night so maybe this was just a one off? Hopefully, they will be fine by Wednesday cos I'm so fired up about the training course.

Poetry? Haven't been writing it for a while but I'm looking forward to attend a poetry event this Friday..it sounds good and will be nice to attend something that is new to me..You take your own wine and there's a number of poetry readings, apparently! Should be cool and may inspire me to put pen to paper again and find some of my dormant imagination!