Ahh Life...

Life is just seeming to get a whole lot better. I think the darkness is lifting and I guess this is because we change mindsets and circumstances. Today has been a good one, working with some learners on Graffiti art and Egyptian influenced art work. The eye of Horus and the Ankh. I enjoy teaching art and indeed, facilitating and inspiring artistic thought!

Yoga is certainly great for me. I feel grounded, confident and back to my old self. Of cpurse, when exterior problems from others have been a factor then no wonder our life and emotions become affected on some level!

My son's Dad and I have also agreed our duties to our son over the summer period. This means that I get some lone time whilst my son shares some good time with his Father during the holidays. Because of this, as you know, I have gone and flippantly booked myself a lone flight to Athens whereby I will then catch a ferry to one of the closer Aegean islands, hire a bike and do some sightseeing, swimming, beaching and of course the obligatory night time partying Greek style! So many people have asked me why I would go alone. But you know, travelling alone really does not bother me. In many ways, I find it exciting, a challenge and good fun and most of the time, you can guarantee that I will meet new people along the way. I can't afford this trip in all honesty but to hell with that, you only live with once and I don't often get a week alone so, hell for leather I say.

A good friend of mine has mentioned the possibility of going away in the next couple of weeks, a new town for the weekend or camping. There's been no firm decisions as yet but it all sounds good to me.

My son? He's a lucky little fellow. I paid for him and his Dad (as his Dad's bday present)to go and watch the last Forest match this Saturday. This is the first time my son has been to a match with his dad and I know he's looking forward to it; they connect on this level and thus, it only seems right that my son chose this as a birthday pressie for his Dad. Thank God they have a son and father relationship, it's so important in my opinion and it's sort of positive that me and his Dad can still maintain some civilness and mature approach to each other, even though we have been split for such a long time. In many ways, this is a blessing, it really is.

Swine flu? This seems worrying to me. The Mexicans are having a hard time of it, so it seems..I wonder where this will all lead to? Makes you really wonder..

Relationships? I've decided that I'm best out of them for the time being now. It is the only way forward for me in all reality right now. I put so much emotional energy into them, especially the last one, I fall in love and then it seems it gets all pushed back at me and then I get hurt..some people just don't like to tell truths so for now, I think the best is to be free and single and then there is no chance or risk of getting emotionally burnt.
This part of the lyrics from the song Turquoise make me think about how soft we amd the heart can be and thus, we need to protect it..

Your smile beams like sunlight on a gull's wing
And the leaves dance and play after you
Take my hand and hold it as you would a flower
Take care with my heart, oh darling, she's made of glass


If I get asked out for a drink or meal etc, then maybe so. But when a deeper involvement is the case, I really am going to be picky from now on, take my time to REALLY get to know what the person is about and make my decsion then and if ever, ever again, there are any 'still loved' ex'es in the equation, I'm running away as fast as fuck!!

Thursday, I have a whole day in the city. Off to yoga again, off to visit a friend in the city for a small while, who I haven't seen in quite a long time. I'll then take myself for something to eat somewhere cheapish and nice, maybe chuck in a bit of art gallerying in the city, then off to a union meeting until early evening! An action and productive day for sure..

Beauty of Francois Hardy

Me being a hardened music fan, have recently been listening to an old favourite French singer of mine - Francois Hardy. She has a terribly beautiful and calming voice and her 60s sounds are just so gorgeous.I guess I'd be a fool to choose my favourite songs of hers but I do sway towards the tracks Mon Amie La Ros eand L'amitie, both for their tune and their lyrics..

'mon amie la rose' - English translation lyrics

We are fleeting
And my friend the rose told me that this morning

At the dawn I was born
Baptized with dew
I blossomed
Happy and amorous
In the ray of the sun
I closed at night
I woke up old

Though I was beautiful
Yes, I was the most beautiful flower in your garden

Look at the God that made me
Make me bow my head and I feel I am falling
My heart is almost naked
I have one foot in the grave
I already no longer exist

You admired me yesterday and I will be dust forever tomorrow

The moon stayed by the side of with my friend this night
In a dream I have seen, blinding and naked
Her soul that was dancing far beyond the highest clouds
And it was smiling at me

Believe the one who wants to believe
I need hope, otherwise I am nothing


and L'amite..So Many Friends

so many friends have come and gone like you have done
I meet them for a while between the rain and sun
like birds of passage sheltering from a stormy sky
we get to know each other while the clouds pass by

they always leave a little of themselves behind
a tenderness and sympathy so hard to find
they listen to my troubles with a look so wise
but often there's a touch of sadness in their eyes

like you, you came to me, from the storm
you came to me and I kept you warm

so many friends of mine before have done the same
they go away from me as quickly as they came
their hearts are full of tenderness and love to share
with all the lonely people they meet everywhere

who knows exactly what the future has in store
one thing I know for certain, I've got one friend more
a friend in need will always find a friend in you
maybe some day when I'm alone you'll see me through

some day, I'll come to you from the storm
I'll come to you and you'll keep me warm

Life Affirming Dream

Yesterday I had a proper heavy day of teaching, full on and one of my students was what would be probably classed as ADHD, all day BLOODY LONG - hard work for sure and to top it all, I was feeling really emotional! Anyway, doomladen and feeling sorry for myself, I had a lovely bath last night but had a good cry in the bath which is sad but it has to come out somehow, read in bed and got an early night..
Anyway, me being such a wonderful sleeptime dreamer to the point where I remember many of them very clearly, I was given the fortunate experience to remember a beautiful dream this morning. I woke up veary early around 5ish and this was what I remembered..

Dream scenario.

' I was walking around the Hockly area of Nottingham, feeling a little down and sorry, but really becoming excited about the lovely shops there, with all unusual things in; secondhand shops, antiquey shops, retro, jewellery. As I walked passed an old fashioned building, with a beautiful double door frontage of Oak wood, a man ran out to me, from said building which was a Hairdresser's, he was golden blonde with short hair and had a kind face. I don't know this person in real life or at least I haven't met him. He told me I was 'good looking' and gave me the widest warm smile. This made me smile and made me feel good, after all, I have been through a load of shit and sadness recently!
I felt like I was 20 years old again! I continued to walk down the street into another old building whereby I went to get some lunch. The decor was grand but beatnik and I felt very relaxed in the place whilst I ate some nice food. I left the place and the dream ended'

I woke up this morning feeling better and almost like life has been reaffirmed for me! I felt happier and ready to face the world. Sometimes you know, I do think I have some bloody angel or some such looking after me..I'm not a crank and I'm reasonably sane but in times when I've been lower than low, these poignant reminders it seems, are put in my place and indeed, make me feel good again. Interesting stuff and I wonder who the man was! Maybe he was my guardian angel but he looked different to the angel visitation dream man, that appeared in my dream sometime back...Fascinating and watch this space for more of my wonderful dream journals! Maybe my guided path is getting closer..funny thing is too, I read some of my Living in the Light book again last night and that book is almost magical, trust me!

Another weird thing is, I was feeling broody not so long ago! Don't think I'll be having any more babies to be honest now but I thought to myself if I ever had the pleasure to bear a daughter, I would, or would've named her 'Mae Rose'. I love this name and it dawned on me when I sat with another soul, not so long ago..weird how we have these thoughts I guess.. But Mae and Rose? Beautful names..

Cherry Blossom healing

Cherry blossom petals,
Shine softly through,
The wind blows soft and gentle,
The leaves stay green and true.
Take me to a restful place,
a soulful peaceful hue.
Close down the darkness of April,
A fresh dawn spring - sweet and new..

Cherry blossom softness,
Raining through my heart,
Lift my soul and conquer,
What others tore apart..
Bring me peace and love -
To rest forever more..
Heal my soul of sadness
Cure my heart so sore...

Where Have I been?

Yes, where have I been of late? Climbing up hills and enjoying nature..indeed, finding peace and perspective out there in nature - works for me and always has done. Had a lovely time in The Peaks with my son, my friend and her kids. I've booked to go over there again soon for a long weekend, this time without kids and with the aim of really letting the hair down..whatever that may mean. May take bikes to do some cycling but the aim is to walk, enjoy nature, hit th pubs, maybe meet some fellow walkers or indeed, mountain bikers and maybe spark some drunken funny conversations as often tends to be the case when two lone females are part of the equation!

Time to spread my wings and fly people. New happenings, new openings, new life style, new friends, new dawns and a different way forward making different choices that DO NOT reflect the last 3 years of the choices I have blurrily made. A sad lesson to learn for me but no doubt a constant reminder and like being pinched hard on the arm that me, yes me, has better places to go now. Life must move forward to new, fresh and positive places and attracting this in my life. Yeps, life has been in a foggy place but at times, ties have to be cut I guess when they affect you on some level. The key too is not to sentimentalise things but keep on the rational and head side. The heart has to be put on hold now for complete worthiness and although I am in love the only way to be loved is when it is reciprocated!

Today I received a lovely postcard from a sweet Portugese friend of mine. He's out in France at the minute for a few weeks and thus, was great to hear that he's doing good. He's back in the UK again next week but sweet that he thought to send me a postcard with a lovely picture of the town he's staying in. I like these little things that people do and you know, it makes you realise about those whose hearts are BIG and Wide and Open!

I have an invite out this weekend, to which I have agreed. Should be interesting and I'm feeling rather excited about it cos there should be dancing and music involved, always good by me.

My son, bless him, discovered he is on Google street map! Haha, his mates told him that he was on one of the phtos near their house - outside, propped up on his bike and alas, we type in the postcode and there he is! What a nightmare but how funny..he said, Hmm can't belive they caught me on that picture! CUTE! So imposing though these things, they really are.

Thinking about heading to a CND demo/Vigil soon in memoriam of Chernobyl and in opposition to the proposed building/renewal of Nuke power stations. I hate Nuke power and I hate the thought of Govt's spending more dosh on them..If I decide to travel to the demo, then it's a day of gatherings, tea, cake music and discussion followed by camping on the beach overnight to a candlelight vigil the following day.. A long way to travel to the place in question but I feel this is the way forward for me in life. I can't keep sitting back and not doing anything that I essentially, feel passionate about. My weekends are fairly free so what a way to start giving precious time to..Yes, I feel the future is dawning on me and I feel that the decsions I am making about many things and indeed in protection of myself and my sanity, are certainly the right ones..

I found this quote the other day and at the moment for me, it sums up how I feel. I don't mean to sound negative but it makes me feel that I can truthfully trust in nature so very much, for it does heal me and it does nurture me, it doesn't let me down and I can rely and trust on what it gives and says to me..
I know that one day, this will come again from possibly a loving 'male' human and hopefully I will be able to trust but for now, nature has been a small saviour to me..or should I say a large saviour? Hmm that surely is one to ponder I fear!


Study nature, love nature, stay close to nature. It will never fail you.

Mum's Insight, Realisation and Peception to do the right thing..

My Mum, may she rest in peace, always used to tell me that I was 'too caring', 'too understanding' and that this may, or may not, do me any favours. I look at my life over the past few years and I realise that by being all of the above, this has done me no favours whatsoever.
Indeed, by putting trust where trust shouldn't have been put, by caring and and being kind, has meant that I have been fooled with. Now don't get me wrong, I don't feel embarrassed or anything about this because I guess I come from a place in my mind and heart that people, on the simplest level are 'only human', and can see regret and remorse etc. I am, or should I say was, a BIG believer in the view that people can change. I'm not so sure aynmore because when people continue in the cysces of destruction and devastation that hurts others, then maybe change never does happen essentially. Now, I don't want to sound bitter either because I am actually not and that is the truth, I'm more or less saddened more than anything.
This also leads me to think and indeed, realise that I need to go with my gut and intuitive feelings from now on.. To deny this has caused me pain and looking back, I should've got out of a situation last summer rather than being so trusting. I also don't like to have a tough shell around me, and I do wear my heart on my sleeve and this, I will always continue to do so bvut I guess the difference now is, that when the gut feeling kicks in about a situation and dishonesties, then I need to run as fast as possible..
And truths? Well, we all deserve to know the truth do we not? Or am I naive in thinking this? Is it not an honourable thing to speak with honesty? Or am I living way back in some rose tinted past? Your thoughts would be welcomed about this but you know, I have made firm decisions that now will lead me forward into new territory.
I await a 2 day break up in the Peaks this week which will I know, refresh me and put the last few months into perspective and give me the well needed strength and courage to break away...

Birmingham antics..and collectivism

Birmingham? My stay there was good. Just what I needed. The union course was brilliant with a well informed trainer who'd been active in the Miner's strikes of the 80s and a then active member of the NUM and now Unison and UCU. I thought these types were a dying breed, they're still in existence but they're an aging population and need to be revered when I think about all of the political knowledge and experience they hold. The emphasis on collective action and proaction was inspiring and affirming for me..
So, apart from feeling more fired up and wanting to get more active, I also managed to see a band called Broken Records at The Glee Club, which is in the arty/Gay/China Quarter of Birmingham. This band were fantastic! I think they're going to be big given time - so musically diverse with so much instrumental talent in the band, keep a look out for them! I had a drink in a gay bar, which I have been in before and I love the atmosphere in there, The Old George I think it's called..but a lovely little traditional pub!

I also managed to take a look in at Birmingham Art Gallery, loved the Buddhist Gallery and the naked men on the walls - all that power in those paintings, amazing that such pictures can be created from paint and the human hand and mind..

Retro shop? I found a cool one and picked up a nice pair of boots and a lovely pink coat for the grand total of £30! Wonderful stuff.

On the way home, a colleague from my work place, who I've never met before, even though we're in the union at work and he's an activist, were talking about absence from work. He made me laugh when he told me that he uses latin terms for his illness if he's off work with sickness; Takes a Thesaurus, looks for the latin word of Diarrhoea and writes this down, laughed my head off at this! Yes people, there's spirit in some of the nation still for sure and that's where my heart and soul belongs.. and I guess, always has done and always will..Wish more of the nation would collectivise themselves, I really do.

Tonight I hope to attend a poetry event, should be interesting and no doubt I will report back to my cyber diary!

Thoughts at bedtime

In times of universal deceit, telling the truth will be a revolutionary act.

Good Old George Orwell! Not many of the old revolutionarys left though I fear! But at least I can rest in peace and remember that Goerge I think, would've honoured me!

The art of using deceit and cunning grow continually weaker and less effective to the user.

How true and from my recent experience, this has been validated. Thye truth never lies!

Lucky for Me

Spoke to my son's Dad and luckily, he's going to stay at mine with my son whilst I attend the union training course. I don't really like him to stay at mine and I know he doesn't either but at the end of the day, it ain't about mine or his feelings but what is best for our son and getting to school if he's better or indeed, being in his own space with his toys and things..

Google street map? Have you seen this facility? I don't like it - how imposing is it? I can see my front room, my windows are open and thank God I'm not shagging or anything in the view of the window when the picture was taken! Talk about invasion of privacy! I guess it's good if you're trying to find a place for holiday and how to get there and what it looks like but apart from that, it's too scary!

Everything is coming into perspective for me. I can't believe how terribly destructive and dishonest humans can be..I think I need to have my antenna completely alert from now on, either that or becomne a fuckin nun! Don't get me wrong, my feelings for the guy are really strong but I ain't being no pushover and when you don't get honesty from a person then sometimes, you have to do a little bit of your own investigation to find out the truth - even if, the truth can fucking hurt. Rather truth than lies for sure though..Rather love than hate but maybe the time has now come to selectively choose who I fall in love with? Can you do that? I don't know cos I'm a believer that we have no control over love, do we? I really am confused as can be seen..Ah well, bring on the self love! But you know, deep down, someone out there is walking towards my destiny and they will not fuck me over or play childish games.And so the world turns...

Monday action

Woke up today and my son wasn't feeling too great so, I decided it was for the best, for him to have a day off school. This has meant I've had to take a day off work but I've been working a little at home and catching up on a few bits and bobs and also, enabled me to get on top with other things that I need to sort out.
I've decided to get an overall health check again so off to the Health Shop go I, in a few weeks - the people in there are really friendly and indeed I have an appointment for a few weeks time. Let's hope I get a clean bill but who knows what the outcome will be. Thank God we have services like this that enable people to attend appointments in a non judgemental manner!!

My glands are still swollen but not as bad as last night so maybe this was just a one off? Hopefully, they will be fine by Wednesday cos I'm so fired up about the training course.

Poetry? Haven't been writing it for a while but I'm looking forward to attend a poetry event this Friday..it sounds good and will be nice to attend something that is new to me..You take your own wine and there's a number of poetry readings, apparently! Should be cool and may inspire me to put pen to paper again and find some of my dormant imagination!

Psychosomatic..

After the past few days of emotional stress, which in many ways equates to quite a while of stress when I think realistically about it, my glands in the front of my neck have enlarged, hardened, are sore and my mouth is dry! So, I guess I'm coming down with some bloody illness and I guess my body is fighting the infection by the help of the lymph nodes or some such. Interestingly, at Yoga the other day, we were doing work on the lymph nodes and aiding their health by certain postures, that indeed, work and massage the lymph nodes, so whether this is related to me falling ill, who knows! Maybe the whole load of stuff has just weighted down on me!

Earlier, I booked to go and see an up and coming band in Birmingham on Wednesday evening, before in fact, my glands swelled up! The band thus far, sound good and I like their influences - check out Broken Records on Myspace, a Scots outfit with excellent influences! Exciting stuff for sure!
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=60831952
I hope I can bloody get to see this gig, I thought it would be a good thing to do, after my training course on Wednesday. I am so looking forward to do my module 1 of Introduction to union repping, that I pray I am not going to be so ill that I can't attend the course - I'll be well pissed off if so, cos I'm looking forward to get involved in something on a different, meaningful and political level. AND I'm looking forward to be a free spirit in Birmingham for the night!

Pray and send me speedy, healing love and thoughts cyber buddies!

The Truth

I did something the other day that I was never sure I would. I had to find out the truth about something that has been on my mind for a long time. I believed the story about an issue from a person I'd been invloved with but as time went on, I kept on wondering whether I was being fed a lie.. So, to find out the truth, I rang someone and was shocked when they told me the opposite of what I had been told! I challenged this and then realised how simple it is for simple to lie about really important things..apparently part of the lying was supposedly, to protect me. But I really wonder about this.

Anyway, things are not good now because of this but I would rather know the truth than be fed a pack of lies and live a lie. I have to focus on the future now.. I'm sad about all of the grizzly detail and deceit but people have their reasons I guess but I'm all for honesty really..

I've restarted Yoga and I do think it is helping me refocus pn what I need, build my emotional strength and move me forward to where I should be heading. I hope so, I truly do.

Deep and true

I heard this phrase tonight on one of my favourite TV programmes and it's so true...

'I believe in love and when love is strong, hope will endure'

I like this quote very much..

Determination, Strength and Aching Arms

I am determined more than ever to stick to a decision I have made. I don't need to go into detail but I have to promise myself not to backtrack. The key is to keep busy, fake it to make it, keep up with new interests, remind myself who and what I am about and remember this and vow myself never to find myself in the positions I have done recently, ever again. Maybe the lesson has been about learning strength and decision making, growing and learning once again to practice self respect and indeed, establish boundaries about what I will or won't accept. I feel strong and I hope to remain so. Yoga last week has definitely helped me. I aim to attend every week to fully ground myself and keep in this vibe, live a vibe and life that is from now on, true to me, my life and my needs as a woman.

My arm, left arm, once again is playing up. I assume this is due to carrying heavy bags again for work.. this weekend has been a real agoniser with it and I guess a return to the Drs will be the necessary case but I don't want to be fobbed off with painkillers! I want action that will alleviate the pain holistically..I hope Yoga will help my arm and rebuild my physical strength..I'm not getting any younger but my determination certainly is youthful!

Power to the People

G20 'Put People First' march

Join the march to 'Put People First' - London 28 March

This Saturday sees the unions and activits calling on people to march through London as part of a global campaign to challenge the G20, ahead of their 2 April summit on the global financial crisis. Even before the banking collapse, the world suffered poverty, inequality and the threat of climate chaos. The world has followed a financial model that has created an economy fuelled by ever-increasing debt, both financial and environmental. Our future depends on creating an economy based on fair distribution of wealth, decent jobs for all and a low carbon future. There can be no going back to business as usual.

People from all over the country will join the march on March 28.

'Put People First' is a broad alliance of unions, development and environmental organisations and faith groups calling for the G20 to create an economy based on fair distribution of wealth, decent jobs for all and a low carbon world.

Back to my Roots

For ages, I've wanted to get more involved with unionism. I am a member of UCU which is a college and lecturer's union and at one time before merging, was the AUT and Natfhe. Anyway, I've decided to attend the training in April, to become more active as a Rep, this means completing a module about Induction and repping which means I get to spend 2 days over in Birmingham, accommodation provided, which actually, as much as I hate the clinical feel of hotels , I'm sort of loooking forward to staying in one on my own! I'm blessed that my son's Dad will look after his son in order that I can attend this and it has to be said, I'm looking forward to being around politcially minded people again!

Tonight I'm invited over to a friend's for a party - should be good and if the mood takes me, I may head out to the city for dancing but the key is to just play it by ear.

Moving and Stilling

My world? Well I saw some good friends on Friday of last week, we went to eat and catch up with our worlds. It was good to see them but I had an urge to stay out later and thus, ended up in a bar alone, watching a live band. I got talking to a dear woman who was telling me about her marriage and her love for her husband - was very sweet! I got rather drunk though, wrote a few poems, cried about my Mum - all the sort of things we feel when alcohol is part of the equation.

The weekend consisted of me finding the energy and lust to decorate my bedroom. I found a gorgeous colour - quite by accident and totally unplanned, Dusky Damson! And what a gorgeous and sumptuous colour it is! My room looks heavenly but just needs touching up here and there and finishing off in an alcove. I also want to find either a Moroccan style light shade or a chadelier!

Today, I've been blessed with finding, at last, a Thursday day time yoga class! Hurrah! I've been searching endlessly for a class and have struggled..I loved my Thursday eve class in my hometown but I can't go anymore due to childcare issues. The day class is just what I'm looking for! I have experience - 3 years and know many of the postures and God do I feel the need the need to align my body at the moment..carrying heavy things for work really DOES take its toll on my back and Yoga is fantastic for the back and spine. I really am looking forward to the class this Thursday.. ready for some meditation, grounding and stilling..Ommmmmmm!

And this weekend, who knows.. might do a night out Saturday but not 100% sure yet but could do with a little bit of therapeutic dancing to refresh me!

Holidays, Escapism and Darwin

I've finally made my mind up about this year's holiday. I'm credded up to the meax but I NEED a holiday and so too, does my son deserve one! I've decided on a 10 day holiday to Denmark..I'm planning to stay at a good friends in Copenhagen for a couple of nights to catch up and indeed, be in the city area. I then plan to head down to the south coast area and stay in a log cabin. This should be great for my son, there'll be lots of kids and families but also it's close to a beautfiul beach that looks out to Sweden. Also, we are close to where my eldest son is staying and this will allow me to spend some time with him.. Hopefully, we'll be able to hire bikes for the holiday and get plenty of cycling done.Surprisingly, the holiday is as cheap as it would be to stay in Jersey! I checked out loads of places, thought about Greece but realised that I need to be careful how much I do pay out but also want to see my eldest son and thus decided Denmark is a good option!

I've also planned a few days in the Peak District over Easter with a dear friend. I'm looking forward to it as we're gonna do a lot of walking, pubbing and having fun! Should be good!

Charles Darwin? I've been enjoying the programmes about him and his garden and how his theories have been abused for political means, espec when you consider the Nazi party and genocide. The programmes have been engaging and informative and I look forward to the next one! Get watching this guys if you're into theory and politics!

So, could do with a little help from my Cyber Friends....

So, how do you deal with disbelief? By this I mean, when things finally settle in your mind about an issue and you have to deal with the reality of it? It takes things a while to work their way with me and then it finally sinks in on some level..

As you know, things ain't been too easy on the opposite sex front for me for a while. I have looked at myself and what part I play in all of this. The last relationship that I am now deciding to walk from, was one that I kept at a distance for quite some time, for fear of being hurt, then slowly and surely, I decided that letting trust build was what I should do but then have had that trust pushed into my face..
Long story and I'll spare the details but I simply can't get over the feeling of disbelief, feeling let down, hurt, sad, angry..hence me making the wise decision to walk because how can I lie to myself about potentially something that I don't agree with and that I will have to endure, if I decided to stay in a 'relationship' with said person..

I would appreciate if anyone could tell me about strategies that they have used in their past etc to help with this sort of thing. I am trying my best to distract, to ground, to find peace and calm, to recover and heal but the feelings simply overwhelm at times to the point where my stomach feels sick and I just want to blert!!

Wonderful Buddhist Meditation and Chant

So, here we are Sunday and I'm feeling tired..have had bouts of sadness over the past week because of what has occurred more recently with someone I have spent most weekends with and with whom I am very much enamoured with thus, I have and am missing him but I have to be true to myself, my needs as a woman and live under no false illlusions, lies and negativity..This therefore has meant that I have had to take a certain path..

I had a good time last night, around sweet friends. My original plan went to pot cos a mate let me down at the last minute, which I was disappointed about but luckily, I managed to hear from another mate who was out and about and so, joined up with them for a pub crawl and then dancing.

I met the wonderful actress who plays Shaun's girlfriend in 'This is England'. She was at the club night and I approached her in the toilets, remarking on how good the film was and indeed, that I thought she played the part of his girlfriend really well. She was a sweetheart and very friendly!

Today I came across this meditation. It's a Buddhist meditation and chant and is truly lovely and sort of takes the mind away somewhat..so for me, I think the Buddhist centre is calling me this week for the Friday meditation.. Anyway, see what you think and I hope you enjoy this link..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A1evxMA7yYw&feature=related