Tuesday, January 31, 2006

How to get out of a night out?

Well dear reader, I write these thoughts on a cold, wintery eve. Yes, my house freezes as I sit and watch the passion that unfolds around me via Channel 4 and Shameless!! And then my thoughts wonder to Saturday night. The dreaded night out, dear reader. The night that I'm loathing. The night that I'm resenting. The night that I'm thinking up 100 excuses not to attend.
This has nothing to do with last Saturday dear reader and my desire to tame the binge drinking. No this is to do with my friends birthday night out dear reader. A night that I vehemently DO NOT want to participate in. Your job, dear reader, is to give me suggestions about how to avoid this loathsome night.
You are probably wondering what this night entails dear reader? Nothing as strange, yet exciting as the mysterious stately home in Kubrick's 'Eyes Wide Shut'. Or nothing as passionate or bloodthirsty as the castles in Hammer's 'Countess Dracula' dear reader. No, Saturday entails a comedy night at Jongleurs dear reader. Fucking Jongleurs!
Do I really want to pay £15 to step into this nightmare of a place? No, frankly I don't. I've experienced Jongleurs twice dear reader. Once through choice of a poetry performance. The second, through a 40th birthday party for a friend.
Choice is good, holistic and gives you a sense of satisfaction. Coercion gives you a sense of being controlled, oppressed and apathetic.
I feel like a spoilt child by thinking these thoughts but I also resent paying money for something I feel I won't enjoy. I'm afraid, dear reader that I may well need to consider binge drinking yet again, to enjoy this night and the miserable 'Disco' afterwards.
Please God, save me from the misery that I will endure on Saturday...Oh and suggestions welcome from any deluded Gods out there who know a thing or two about avoidance tactics.

Sunday, January 29, 2006

Another Day Wasted!!

Well, after another drunken night out and another Sunday spent lying around in bed and on the sofa, I've decided it's time I took a hold of this regular, debilitating, binge- like behaviour. I feel shit again today. I'm tired, dehydrated, feel sick, keep knocking into things, can't be arsed to talk to friends that ring. My face looks like shit!! Where is the once young looking beauty of last night disappeared to? I'll tell you where - to the ravages of vodka and dodgy clubbing. Yes, dodgy, dodgy, trashy clubbing, in a shite venue, with no atmosphere! Dead and lacking of any energy!!Yes dear reader, I've wasted another day.
A day that could have been better spent doing things such as enjoying the Chinese New Year festivities. I could have gone on a nice bike ride to enjoy this wonderful sunshine we have at the moment. I could have gone for a healthy swim. I could have been all refined and arty and taken in some art galleries for the day. I could have gone to a chilled cafe and enjoyed a latte. I could have read the newspaper or Naked Grafitti a second time, listened to the radio, visited my Dad, decorated, made a cake, gone to the pub for Sunday lunch, a walk down the river. What a fucking failure!
If I counted the amount of days I've spent in a debilitating state, dear reader, I reckon it would make up for about a year of my life!! At these times dear reader, I should have been taking life by the bollocks!! I've therefore decided dear reader, the next time I'm out being next Saturday at Jongleurs, I'm going to try and stick to healthy 'juice' for the night.
I wonder how long this health binge will last?

Friday, January 27, 2006

Teenage Rage!

Hello dear reader! Well had a mad week at work this week. Monday I was absolutely knackered after the shenanigans of Saturday night and partying. The rest of the days just fall into a blur of boredom.
Yesterday I had a 'manager's proposition' put to me. Basically I've been asked if I'll go and work in 3 new hostels and reach certain set targets. This has all come about dear reader due to a colleague going off with stress for the time being. I do hope he recovers and I'm thinking about him!! On top of that I mentor a new teacher, I supervise 14 in my team, I hold regular meetings, I resource, plan and evaluate sessions. I liase with all sorts of agencies. I should be on a fucking better wage!!
Anyway greed aside...and back to more burning issues of teenagers and the nightmare of beibg around them!! Yes, dear reader I'm sick to death of my fucking teenage son!
"Ahh isn't he handsome" say all my lovely friends - Good!! That's a reflection of his breeding - ie.ME!! He may be bloody handsome but he is sending my rage levels through the fucking roof!! and dear reader, that's without being in the menopause!!
We argue about the following:
1. Who gets to go on the PC.
2. The headache volume of his electric guitar playing. Don't get me wrong, I love guitars and music...but his is really starting to fucking grate on me!! Yes, there he is in the picture..argghhhhh. I 'm getting ragey just looking at his picture!!
3. The state of his bedroom.
4. Leaving his clothes all over the place and not putting them in the laundry basket to be washed.
5. Not going to bed although I've told him 100 times.
6. Being a cheeky fucker and always answering back.
7. Talking to me whilst I'm trying to have a conversation with a friend on the phone.
8. Never doing the jobs he's supposed to do.

It's even making me tired, listing these things..there's loads more but I'm bored of thinking about it now.
I have therefore come to the conclusion that teenagers should be sent away like the Spartans at 12? and then brought back to their family when they're 18, slightly more grown up and not so hormonal. I could then live with peace and solitude and prevent bouts of Teenage Rage!!

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Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Who are we?

I've always been fascinated about where I'm from. Who my ancestors are? Where I get my looks from? After watching 'Who Do You Think You Are?' again tonight, it got me thinking dear reader, about who indeed am I.

Sara= blonde, greeny, grey blue eyes that change colour depending on the light and brightness of the day. Healthy complexion - palish in winter but golden in summer, easy to tan. Voluptuous and smallish in height 5'3"!!

Research has shown that my Dad's side of the family originated from southern Ireland - County Longford. On my mother's side - all I know is that Lincolnshire was prominent.
I tend to be drawn more to my father's heritage. Indeed my ancestors on his side were immigrants from Ireland at the time of the great famine in the 1840s. Prior to that, it seems Viking influence in Ireland was present in the Longford area. My Dad's family are all blonde and possess piercing blue eyes.

Interestingly, I've always had a passion and longing for all things nordic. I loved the video to 'Knowing me' by Abba as a young child. Why? Mainly because of the certain images in this video; snow, pine trees, Norwegian style jumpers and Agnethe's beautiful blonde hair and blue eyes.
I find it interesting how children pick up on such trivial, but possibly genetically related aspects of things.

I also went through my life as a teenager pretending to be Norwegian. Indeed when I got chatted up in a club by someone that I wasn't interested in, I just pretended that I didn't speak english as a way of not having to explain myself. This form of trickery worked brilliantly because I was told on numerous occasions that I looked either Norwegian or Danish!!

In my 20s at an extremely troubled time in my life, I landed a job in of all places, Copenhagen, Denmark. Dear reader,what I experienced there was profound. I felt like I'd come home. I fitted in immediately. I loved the culture. The films. I loved the people. I loved the nature, the smell, the weather, the sea, the food. I picked up the language in 6 months with no effort. Denmark and all things danish felt like my spiritual home, my blood bond.

So dear reader, how much of who we are and where we're from, remains in our blood, our DNA?I don't know for sure if I do originate from this part of the world but instinct guides me to this conclusion. That maybe somewhere, our ancestors experiences and heritage are felt by us on a subconscious level, a level that we search for and relish once we find it.

Monday, January 23, 2006

Fuck it! I'm getting away!

Hello dear reader! Well I got paid on Friday and all my money's just gone..by the time I'd paid for my rent, bills, my new PC, food...I am left with nothing dear reader, nothing! Sweet bugger all. Nada. Ingen ting! I'm fed up of being skint!
So what do I go and do to change my mind set dear reader? Yes, I go and spend more money on a hotel room in February in the Peak District!

"Fuck it!" I say to myself convincingly. I need to get some space and time for my mind to recouperate. Yes and "fuck it" I will indeed!

Indeed last year was one of the hardest years of my life! Granted I had barrels of fun and laughter but I also touched a passion so deep, that it's left me in a perpetual state of emptiness, longing and sadness. I don't know how long this state will be with me. I don't know whether this state is deluded but I feel it's true to my heart.

I also lost the one person in my life that gave me unconditional love - my Mother, which dear reader, I have already spoken about in earlier posts. I still don't quite believe she's not on the physical plane of life anymore.
However, I'm the sort of person that's able to keep going and maintain some sort of sanity amongst all the insanity that's been occurrent.

I'm gonna treat myself like a Queen for a day. Materially, I'm going to eat nice food, sleep in crisp, clean cotton sheets (although satin would be preferable). I'm going to drink red wine. I'm going to use room service.I'm going to put a cover over the T.V to block out reality! I'm going to think of no-one else apart from me. (supposedly!!)
On a more spiritual level I'm going to soak up the wonderful atmosphere that the lovely hills and the caves that lie beneath Castleton and Edale bring. I'm going to remind myself of how much I love this part of the world. It's energy and stillness is like a magnet to me.
There's something extremely peaceful about Edale. The fact that you almost never hear the hum of cars' engines. The fact that you're surrounded by a dramatic landscape. The fact that you hear waterfalls and streams running wildly in winter and calmly in summer. The fact that you feel at one with the world is truly exhilerating. There's also a magical feeling about Castleton, dear reader, with all of it's caverns, castle and the tiny cemetry perched out of eyes reach.
I know too, dear reader, when I return to the madness and manicness of the city, my soul will feel replenished and renewed from the pollutants that stagnate our minds.
So "fuck it" dear reader "fuck it"
I'm spent up, skint, brassic but who gives a shit when I've had the chance to taste a bit of nirvana for a day!

Monday, January 16, 2006

Fancy dress fetish!

That's it!! I'm converted..I need to do research into finding places to go dressed up as a warrior woman!! Yes, fancy dress and role play is bloody great fun! There were some great costumes at my mates party - Wonderwoman, Batman, Supergirl, Bonnie and Clyde, Gangsters, Pirates, A wicked wolf although the guy had an advantage as he worked for Norwich Playhouse!
Four guys must've been well freaked out as they were 'speeding their tits off' and were paranoid as hell!! That made me giggle a little!Imagine being off your head and seeing a load of people in fancy dress?
I wanted confirmation from people that I looked like a warrior...so played the guessing game with random strangers.
"Who am I?"...
"Hmm are you some sort of warrior?" was quite a few of the responses.
One guy, happily suggested that I was a Nordic Warrior /Goddess. That made me happy, so I decided to change my role half way through the night into Freya - Nordic Goddess of love! I lost my sword along the way, ended up with bruises around my wrist and my feet ached like hell from too much dancing. I ran out of vodka by 1am but managed to coax a little more from some very sweet, kind people.
Party was in all EXCELLENT and just the sort of demented behaviour a warrior woman would so desire! Fantastic soundsystem, playing a range of cheese, drum and bass, Techno, Punk, Reggae, Ska!
AND dear friends, it's happening again tonight without the warrior look sadly. I await a decent night of listening to Ska and reggae, getting a bit high and enjoying the company of many good friends.

Monday, January 09, 2006

Boadicea? or Boudica?I await the role of thou!!

Fancy Dress and I'm excited!! I'm off to a friends 40th birthday on Saturday in Norwich. The theme for her birthday is 'Superheroes'. I've thought long and hard over this and decided that Boudica would be the perfect choice. She represents what I like in the female spirit; strong, independent, loving, a true believer and compassionate person for her people and a willingness to fight against injustice in her time of history.
I've managed to create a good outfit after thinking creatively today. An old velvet brown dress with a large belt. I'm going to spray paint some old boots bronze. I've made some fab arm, neck and head jewellery out of gardening wire believe it or not, which will also be spray painted bronze. I'm gonna plait parts of my hair and buy a fake sword and shield from somewhere. I can't wait!!!
This fancy dress business is great fun once you get into it...Besides, I've always wanted to dress like a warrior woman, given the chance!!

A brief rundown of my role as Boudica!!

Between AD 61 and AD 63 Boadicea led her Iceni people to a glorious but bloody war against the Romans. The Iceni Celts had submitted their kingdom in East Anglia to the conquering Romans and the rule of Emperor Claudius in AD 43. In AD 61, Prasutagus, Boadicea's husband and King of the Iceni died. A dispute followed during which Boadicea, was publicly beaten by the soldiers of the emperor, and her two daughters raped. The Iceni were insulted and rose in revolt led by their queen Boadicea. So successful was the uprising that the Romans were almost defeated. Unfortunately for the Iceni and their allies, the military skill of the Roman army finally led to the crushing of the rebellion.After the revolt, Roman rule was re-established. For almost two glorious years, Boadicea pillaged the Roman settlements; she remains to this day, the greatest of the heroines of Britain.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Cheesy fascism!!

What a joke!! The government are thinking of limiting the amount of salt that goes into an old Stilton cheese recipe. Their justification being, that Stilton cheese contains more salt in it, than is the legal limit in the UK!! However, the makers of Stilton cheese argue, that the cheese will lose it's old taste and will lose certain flavours inherent in the taste that is Stilton!!
On the other hand, Roquefort cheese from France, has a much higher content than Stilton, but yet is still allowed to be sold on the shelves of our supermarkets, without any questioning.
Now call me thick or something but aren't we as individuals able to make our own informed choices about whether we eat salt drenched cheeses or not? According to the government plans, probably not!! Surely we CAN and do make our choices about the food we put into our mouths. Indeed, wouldn't it be better to look at the long term effects of 'e' numbers, rather than concentrating on a few too many grains of salt?
It makes me sick to realise that we are now living in ever increasing times of a prescriptive society. What we eat and drink, how we dress, our behaviour, our size, our rights as 'free' individuals are being taken slowly and quietly, away from us. Mr Blair is certainly one of the most right-wing Labour, cheesiest Prime Ministers to govern for quite some time!! Posted by Picasa

Sunday, January 01, 2006

New Years Eve and I'm Happy!!

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Happy New Year to all of you guys out there! I had such a great New Years Eve at my brother's house. I managed to neck a bit too much vodka. I managed to slip over and almost sprain my ankle. I danced to 'My Way' and 'Suspicious Minds' by Elvis, with my Dad. I had a big debate about women's oppression with my brother and almost decked him. I spent 3 hours talking and reminiscing to an ex boyfriend from my teenage days - fuck I went wrong somewhere - he's high up in a banking company and earns stupid amounts of cash!! I sent a text to someone that I really shouldn't have sent. I was partner in crime by getting the said ex, stoned.I rang an old friends house at 2am. I danced to random dance tracks. I wept.I thought about my Mum. I contemplated and now I feel enlightened. Yep New Year was decidedly great!!