How to get out of a night out?

Well dear reader, I write these thoughts on a cold, wintery eve. Yes, my house freezes as I sit and watch the passion that unfolds around me via Channel 4 and Shameless!! And then my thoughts wonder to Saturday night. The dreaded night out, dear reader. The night that I'm loathing. The night that I'm resenting. The night that I'm thinking up 100 excuses not to attend.
This has nothing to do with last Saturday dear reader and my desire to tame the binge drinking. No this is to do with my friends birthday night out dear reader. A night that I vehemently DO NOT want to participate in. Your job, dear reader, is to give me suggestions about how to avoid this loathsome night.
You are probably wondering what this night entails dear reader? Nothing as strange, yet exciting as the mysterious stately home in Kubrick's 'Eyes Wide Shut'. Or nothing as passionate or bloodthirsty as the castles in Hammer's 'Countess Dracula' dear reader. No, Saturday entails a comedy night at Jongleurs dear reader. Fucking Jongleurs!
Do I really want to pay £15 to step into this nightmare of a place? No, frankly I don't. I've experienced Jongleurs twice dear reader. Once through choice of a poetry performance. The second, through a 40th birthday party for a friend.
Choice is good, holistic and gives you a sense of satisfaction. Coercion gives you a sense of being controlled, oppressed and apathetic.
I feel like a spoilt child by thinking these thoughts but I also resent paying money for something I feel I won't enjoy. I'm afraid, dear reader that I may well need to consider binge drinking yet again, to enjoy this night and the miserable 'Disco' afterwards.
Please God, save me from the misery that I will endure on Saturday...Oh and suggestions welcome from any deluded Gods out there who know a thing or two about avoidance tactics.