Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Childhood Regression

Following on from my rant about Naxos, the penny's finally dropped why I'm so in awe of Google Earth.I now realise that it's reminded me about my childhood viewing years of Mr Ben!
I loved Mr Ben. I loved the way that he went into the changing room and dressed up as a different character each series and 'took on' the character's persona.
Well, for me and the purpose of Google Earth, my character is a sultry princess from the Arabian Nights who travels around the world on a magic carpet. I levitate on my magic carpet over magical places such as, Naxos, Eygpt, Amsterdam (lol), Himalayas, Norway, Grand canyon, My, the list is endless!
Call me bonkers, call me mad, call me insane? God I love regressing into my childhood and indeed, imaginary fantasy characters.

Monday, May 29, 2006

Travelling the world in cyber space

Well, I've recently discovered the joys of Google Earth. I've spent ages wondering around cyber space and looking at different countries. My first stop was Naxos, a small island in the Greek Cyclades set of islands.
My, it was truly lovely visiting there again after so many years! I was last there, in the skin, in 1987 as part of a backpacking trip for 6 weeks.This trip took in, Crete, Naxos, Sifnos, Sikinos, Folegandros, Milos and Santorini.
Once on Naxos I remained there for a week due to my love of this place. I camped on the beach there on Aghia Anna and drank in the small taverna. I also made a bamboo shelter as part of my temporary accommodation. The tranquility of this place was one to die for.
As you can see, I instantly fell in love with Naxos and vowed to visit there again. Naxos does have some great mythical history involving Greek Gods and Godesses; Ariadne, Dionysis for example. The buildings and culture of this island tugged at my heart when I left and for many years later, hence my continuing feel of urgency to revisit Naxos. I will get back there soon. Where there's a will there's a way is my motto!!

Saturday, May 27, 2006

Wishing to nowhere

Have you ever had the luck to experience the headfuckedupness of 'wishing things could be different' and 'wishing you could rewind time back'? Indeed if I had a time machine, I'd rewind time back to a few months ago. I won't go into detail but I just would.

I know too, on a rational level that wishing is a waste of delicate, precious time and is an action that should be avoided.
How though, does one avoid this action if one has no control over it? If it's there in your head from the minute you wake up and re-enters your thoughts throughout the day at random points?...Perpetually affecting your emotional state?
Is this 'wishing' indeed the road to insanity? Or is it something else? The inner voice continually reminding you about these wishes..the gut feeling kicking in?

Is this just obsessive thought patterns or is there a deeper meaning to this? Fucked if I know but it don't half do my head in at times! I'm still clinically 'sane' I think?

Thursday, May 25, 2006


Time to take time out guys.
Take it easy out there.
Enjoy life!
Life is for loving and enjoying, with those with whom you hold so dear.
Happy life!

Monday, May 22, 2006

A yearly dose of Banco De Gaia

Found out a few days ago that one of my all time fave musicians, Banco De Gaia, is coming to perform in Nottingham in June. I love what this man does to the soul. He's been around for quite some time on the dance scene but rather than just being into 'music' he tries to convey important messages about world issues that are experienced today; consumer culture, war, the plights of indigenous cultures and nations etc.
His music in many ways, takes you through a long, mystical journey in many ways. Indeed every gig I've been to of his, I've massively enjoyed and come away with a sense of ecstacy - without ecstacy!! I've seen him so many times including gigs at

Hackney London
Canterbury Festival
Glastonbury Festival

Never seen him play Nottingham so I really await this gem of a night! If you're interested in his stuff check out my link!
Time to relax now after another session of 'grounding Yoga!'

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Life is a changing

To be free.

Life is changing
An open door.
Descend onwards
To my fate.

Future awaits me
Free as a bird.
What will be
Will truly be.

A painful journey.
Has been stalled.
Fluid I move
To a new destiny.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Where has my head been?

I think I've finally realised that I've been living in a 'toxic' head state for quite some time. I've reread my diary and it draws me to the conclusion that although a dear friend has been nasty to me at times, I still don't have bad feelings.
You know my feelings and they'll always remain the same. Always.

Sometimes it does people the world of good, to just say it as it is, in my humble opinion.

Pour your feelings out - go on, I dare you!! Stop hiding in that dark cave.

I'll be with you when you leap!

Return to the Source

I've made a positive decision recently, with the help of a friend, to return to Yoga. Three years ago, I practised Yoga on a regular basis but then gave up due to work committments, finances, kids,life, you name it,things just got in the way.
Yoga all them years ago, opened me up greatly on a spiritual level. Indeed it grounded me like nothing had done before and it took me down a path of reigniting my love for the earth and all things on an elemental level.
I became extremely interested in 'Wicca' and 'Green Witchcraft'(Herblore using plants/herbs to heal) at this time and started to practise certain elements of Wiccan beliefs and ritual.
In addition,I had a wonderful yoga teacher who was and still is, a deeply spiritual person, with a love of nature and the elements.
So after my second session in 3 years, I'm surprised at how supple I still am. I still remember the poses and asanas and I can still manage a great pose called 'Downward Dog' and 'Upward dog'. Strength wise, I still seem to have really strong upper body strength, which I'm quite impressed about!
I look really forward to another session next week and feel really positive about returning to my source.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

My Dream For Today

I have a dream today.
Not a literal dream that I have dreamt but a dream to be taken up high. Right up to mountains high, high up in the Himalayas, high up away from the city, high up away from city sounds.
All I want to hear are bell's chime, monks chanting, birds singing.
All I want to smell is incense burning, dew in the morning, fires burning and wax melting.
All I want to see are mountains all around me, the morning mist and fog lifting and bringing clarity to my mind, oranges, reds, yellows,golds, prayer flags and restful faces.
All I want to touch is the softness of a pillow, the thin, delicate prayer flags fluttering in the eastern sky, clear running water trickling down into a stream and through my fingers and the roughness yet softness, of worn out wood.
All I want to taste is the night air turning into damp on my lips, a place devoid of sourness, juices from fruit and essency fluids.

My, my, what a dream today.

Back Again

Well, I've been in an extremely contemplative mood this week. Quite a few weird happenings have occurred but I'm still here. Still riding the wave that is life.Had even more bizarre dreams, one which I'll spare you the details was particularly worrying and quite prophetic!! I hope it doesn't come true - That's all I'm saying!!

My blog has been giving me some grief too on a technical level but I think it's all sorted now - Fingers crossed!!

Sad to have missed Dan's Play 'The Big Adventure' at Nottingham Arts Theatre but unexpectadly I had to get away. I won't bore you all with the details. I heard it went well and look forward to reading the review.

Not alot planned for the week ahead apart from a mate's birthday, a week on Saturday which should be fun. Hope you're well out there in cyberworld.

Thursday, May 11, 2006


Fuck am I dreaming so much at the moment! I also tend to remember quite a lot of my dreams too, which can be rather unnerving.
My dream last night was VERY weird. I was walking along a long road and in one of the house windows that I passed, sat my recently deceased Mum, staring out at me.
I looked at her and wondered past rather indifferently, which concerned me greatly, in real life. She looked slimmer and younger faced with longer grey hair.
I don't quite know what this dream was supposed to represent? My busy-ness whilst she was alive? My indifference at times, as a daughter? My not seeing her before she died? (I'd seen her 2 weeks before she died and had been told not to visit because she thought she had a stomach bug and had been sick a lot)
This dream's worried me a bit..
I had a 'real dream in life' to treat my Mum when I wasn't so busy in life. I took driving lessons a few years ago, only because I wanted to be able to take my Mum out to nice places, when she was really infirm. This real dream I will never fulfill.
My mind's reflecting me me back to Six Feet Under and the belief that passing souls reappear in our dreams, as a way of communicating again with us...maybe as a way of reassurance, especially when we miss those whom we love and miss so much...
I wonder?..I really wonder?

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Highfields Lido - I miss you!

Boo Hoo...This is where I learned to swim at the grand, old age of 5 years old. Ain't it lovely? But sadly it's now gone! Made way for the 'middle classes' past time of the 'arts' and all things visual...anyway back to swimming..

My Dad literally 'chucked' me in and said

"Come on then, you can do it, you can swim"

And swim I did for the life of me!! Charming way to learn to swim!! Saying that, I'm a keen swimmer and love being in cold water, so in a way, maybe my Dad helped my love of the water. Anyway, I've been doing a bit of history research about my favourite Lido and came across this.

The Lido first opened in August 1924. Spending an afternoon at an outdoor swimming pool an attractive prospect on a summer's day. On those hot sweltering afternoons, the Lido is a veritable magnet to all the youth of the area. But some years the sun is sadly missing and then the Lido holds far less of an appeal (as can he seen from the bar graph). Although the Lidos in Nottingham are open from mid May to mid September, the crowds only really come during those very hot spells, which are few in all but the best of summers. But those hot spells tend to move about the calendar and this makes hitting the right staffing levels all the more difficult. In one week back in June 1970, over ten and a half thousand people squeezed into Highfields Lido. In the following year the corresponding week yielded a mere 28 brave souls.

Since the commissioning of Carrington and Bulwell Lidos, the City has confined itself to building indoor swimming pools. Given the capital outlay, these make far more sense than outdoor pools, which as mentioned earlier are popular for only short spells each year. In view of constraints on purse strings, recreation departments all over the country have been closing down their outdoor pools. Initially Nottingham resisted this trend, but after four extremely poor years, the Leisure Services Committee decided to recommend that one of the Lidos should be closed. After considering factors such as age and attendant problems of maintenance, general overheads and location within the city, they decided not to reopen Highfields for the 1981 season. There was a proviso in their decision that the committee should review the situation at the end of the season. They wanted to be sure that Carrington and Bulwell were going to be sufficient for the needs of Nottingham's outdoor bathers. But another poor summer in 1981 didn't really give them a chance to test the market for the two remaining Lidos. They decided, nevertheless, to stick by their decision and so the Highfields Lido was put on the market.

End of my lovely memories of Highfields lido!

Monday, May 08, 2006

Another one bites the dust

Friends? What are they really? Recently an old friend and I haven't been seeing eye to eye on a few things:

1. Which bars we go drinking in - She's into minimalism, I'm into liveliness, warm atmosphere with chilled music and friendly vibes.
2. Which club we dance in - she's into plush, I'm into headrush
We've had big fallouts about this when a little drunk, which to be honest, I can't be bothered about. I hate being around anger and confrontation when people are drunk.
Recently too, she seems to be really pissed off with me for whatever reason! Take this for madness and let me know your thoughts.

I rang her the other day for a usual chat. I couldn't stop yawning throughout the conversation, not because I was bored but because I was knackered! Indeed earlier that day, I'd been in an important meeting with the Probation Service to discuss such depressing issues as Schedule 1 offenders! Anyway, halfway through the chat she moaned

"God Sara, can you stop yawning, it's really irritating me"

Hmm I thought to myself..and responded

"Actually, I'm fuckin knackered and dead tired, sorry to irritate, it's not my intention... Fuck it, I'll ring you some other time"

I now have to monitor my yawning? This is worse than a dictatorship FFS!! Because of these things, I'm starting to think maybe our friendship is dying a death. Maybe we're just not who we were when we met. People do indeed change over time. In all honesty, life's too short to be worrying about the trivialities of other people's issues. My day job is indeed emotionally draining and all consuming therefore I don't need friends in my life who criticise such ridiculous things as a yawn down a phone line!!
My Mum warned me about this years ago, she used to say to me

"Sara, you're too giving and caring for your own good. You always take the burden of others' problems but do they do the same for you?"

And, she was right. I am a giver, a listener, a carer, a support and one to be counted on. And yes a 'bloody yawner down the phone accidentally!!"
From now on, I'm cutting the crap and if people can't accept me for who I am, then they can just FUCK!!

A Wholesome Distraction

After a 'heady' weekend, I decided that this week I need to focus on escapism from my head. Therefore I've decided to spend my time in the world of my favourite films.
Last night was an old favourite, Paris Texas by Wim Wenders. What a true classic this film is. The scenery is breathtaking, the storyline tugs at my heart, the music by Ry Cooder fits the atmosphere perfectly. The acting by Harry Dean Stanton and Natassja Kinski is outstanding and emotionally believable.
I love the storyline in this film, indeed it struck a chord with me way back in the late 80s, the first time I ever saw it. The story focusses on what can happen when 'love breaks down' and obsession, jealousy and destructive forces take a hold of the psyche.
The reality of how frail and yet destructive we can be as humans is cleverly highlighted. The quest for solace and peace, going back to our source, when all has gone amok, is also wonderfully shown.
Imagine that, walking to the middle of nowhere for 4 years! 4 years of being mute,of seeing no-one, of forgetting time, people, words, history and love, yet surviving through it all - My that's one hell of an achievement.

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Water appeals

An urge to jump
Into the blue.
All consumed
By the depths
Of fathoms.
Soft cushion
For my pain.
Breath taken
By depth.
Minerally rewarding
To a final defeat.
End to loneliness
In this metropolis.
Milena did
So can I.

Friday, May 05, 2006

That Dark, Empty Pain is here again

Listening to Josh Ritter again today - Haven't listened to him for a while because he does strange things to my emotions. I listened to a few tracks from his new CD and BANG - I'm distraught again. I miss my friend - I miss him so, it pains far too much. I wish he missed me but you can't force feelings and when feelings aren't reciprocated, you have to try somehow to move on. I'm finding this increasingly harder or maybe I'm just having one of 'those' days. :(
On the positive, this proves that Josh Ritter is a fantastic songwriter - he's able to reach a deep place inside the heart and soul.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Wow -The Power of Dreaming

Wow what a heavy night of dreaming for me last night. The story goes as follows;
I was in Nottingham where random weirdness was occurring, I ended up at a really big warehouse party where Kylie was performing :( Strange, as I'm not a Kylie fan! She looked old, worn out and tired in my dream. Her left hand was also bandaged and limp?
My fiend and I were dancing to her music but then we got bored, sat down and took some Magic Mushrooms! These were also weird in shape and texture - they were almost like icicles! I became really sensitive to visuals around me and sound - due to the mushrooms.
I wondered into a large hallway to be met by the person I write poems about a lot. He'd just been headbutted by a girlfriend of quite a while. He then saw me, walked over to me and headbutted me!! How strange! I then saw another old friend from years ago who I heard saying
"Wow there's Sara - I've always fancied Sara" Even stranger!!
I moved off into a room where the music and vibe were great and the people having a great time. The next minute I'm on my bike cycling along a steep cliff whereby I almost cycle over it, by accident of course!Panic, anxiety, heart racing.

End of dream.

My, what a weird dream that was. I woke up this morning thinking about Carl Jung and his theory about dreams and the collective consciousness. What an enlightening theory to wake up to!