Who was she?

She was a friendly, happy woman. Always willing to give, please, forgive and forget.
As a young woman she was unsure of her own beauty;She never felt she was very pretty. Average yes, but pretty? No!
When she was younger, she never thought of herself as a classical beauty or very attractive. She,like hundreds of other women in western society, compartmentalised and visually dissected her body parts; Face? Too fat, Legs? Too short, Stomach? Too pudgy, Bum? Too big, Nose? Too big and wobsided, Eyes? Too small, Lips? Too thin. She endured this body fascism for a good 20 years of her life.

The men she'd met throughout her life never really appreciated her for her outer beauty. Her inner dialogue regarding herself, went along the lines of ..
"maybe she wasn't really that attractive, maybe she didn't deserve to feel that she was that special in their life, maybe they'd met better people before she came into their world who they cherished on a more visual level, maybe they were happy for second best" Little did she realsie at that time, that she was putting up with second best in many ways.

The men in her life who'd meant something special to her throughout the years, would compliment her on her lovely personality, her beautiful hair and eyes. As soon though as they complimented her on these things, they'd often like to stick the destructive knife in using negative comments about her body, behaviour. Indeed making fun of her on a passive level, when friends and family were present. Sly comments, digs about body shape and size.
Fuckers! These men weren't wholly appreciative of who she felt she really was. They didn't seem to see the 'whole picture' of her inner-self and her inner-dialogue; Her passion for life, her lust for true companionship and love, her love of finding out about new things, her desire to search for new experiences, her excitement about what some would class, as trivialities, her gullible, soft nature.

Gullible. Her friends used to joke with her about that word. Gullible? She used to think about that word and it's connotations quite alot when she was younger.
Gullible? One who is easily taken advantage of.
In many ways she hated to think herself as this. She went more along the lines of
"If a person likes to think of one as gullible and takes advantage, then they have to take responsibilty for their behaviour and actions"
She wasn't gullible! No she was just kind, caring, compassionate, loving and wanted to see no harm done to anyone. She wanted to be a friend to those she loved and to the new people she encountered in her life.

Only now, she's a tougher woman with a soft core. She loves her body (most of the time) Her inner dialogue tells her that she really does deserve to be cherished like nothing before, loved as passionately as her fantasy has always wanted, desired as a goddess would have been desired in mythical stories, seen for who she really is and not as others think she is.
These recent thoughts about herself, are a rare gift from one who makes her feel like she is truly loved when she encounters his prescence.