This week's been a weird one. It started off pretty well until firstly, my eldest son fell ill with a flu virus and bad cough. Luckily, he seems to be recovering a little now. Work has been pretty full on, with lots of meetings and such like, although I had to take the day off today as I was at home with my son, ensuring he was OK. My ex has also been causing me a few problems which have upset me.It's funny these days because I've had enough of getting upset but I get upset so easy - almost like I haven't got a lot of strength left in me and therefore become tearful as a way to release angry, frustrated and sad emotions. Anyway, I let him stay here one night as he was stuck for somewhere to stay however, he ended up getting a bit drunk and became a little antagonistic. I'd gone to bed and said my goodnights to him, to be woken by loud music - I was fuming because I was wanting an early night and didn't appreciate being woken up by mloud music when I had to work the next day. A raging arguement ensued which ended up with me asking him to go and stay elsewhere. It also reminded me of why I'd been so unhappy with him in the past;lack of respect for me when drunk, living a different lifestyle - me working in a stressful job- him at home not really making the effort to find work, raging arguements, a massive sense of loneliness and emptiness, etc etc.
After he'd left, I felt a sense of calm and thought to myself that I really don't want to live my life in conflict with others. It's no good for the soul and I've had enough of it, to last me a lifetime.
Anyway, a nice end to the week, as I'm off to visit my beloved friend's place tomorrow night. I know I'll enjoy being with him and being in his company, even though I know I'll feel bereft when I leave him...I know seeing him will lighten my night and lift my heart.
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Alcohol is a problem isn't it? For some bizarre reason (has to be bizarre with me I suppose) alcohol makes me even more laid back than normal. I seem to be immune to the stuff - which is just as well I suppose. If it affected me in a bad way I'd stop. Have a good visit.
It was a bit of a problem that's for sure with my ex. The more he seemed to drink, the potential for him becoming antagonistic and challenging. I guess also, we just weren't good as drinking partners either - too many fiery sparks flying around. Not a good combination. :(
I like being around people who don't get angry, or challenging when they're drunk - I know alcohol can bring out the anger at times, cos I've been guilty of that one but I just try and avoid people like that in my life now.
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