I think I'm falling, not my intention but I think I am...

So, I've been thinking about Saturday night and indeed the events over last Friday and Saturday. Gangstaman, who I will now call A, as you know, invited for me to dinner.. I feel sort of bad that I had to change plans because of my friend's stuff and I feel a little like I've let him down, this I really didn't want to do..BUT he's let me down a little in the past and I guess I thought he may've done it again, in the back of my mind...However, I do remember a conversation we had about letting each other down and that he was sorry and could we stop..

All of these thoughts I'm having, are making me realise that I think I'm falling for him quite a bit. I've tried to resist this cos I'm quite fearful of falling for someone again but I honestly think I am..deary me. I've been replaying conversations that we had on Saturday, I've been thinking of my embarrassing pissedup behaviour - can't belive I was so rauccously loud and silly. Can't believe I said to him that

'i bet someone bought you that rose that you're giving to me and you're just trying to sweeten me up by giving it to me'

How bad is that?????? This truly shows my issues around trust and the like, not happy about this.. What a sweet sentiment to buy a flower for someone when they've been invited for dinner. I feel ashamed, truly ashamed.

I feel that it's only right to make an apology to A and explain a few things..I hope he understands..

Dear me, I'm falling, I know it, I'm remebering how sweet and lovely he looked lying with his hood up, all cosy in bed and with his unshaven face..dear me...CALM DOWN SARA, I need to ensure that I keep it all real for sure...Then again, I've known him now for a good 7 months, whereby the contact has been random but becoming more and more frequent..Hmmm. We'll see, we'll see...