Tuesday, March 25, 2008

In Need of Change

I'm becoming more and more disillusioned with my job at the mo..long story but safety, lone working, juggling all balls at home is started to take its wear and tear on me. Sometimes, I wish I could kick back and let someone else take control..this is where I've failed miserably regarding relationships - I've always mainly been the one who's been worrying about finances and the like.

Last night I felt happy; I spoke to A and we discussed the possibility of going to a 'Bizarre' event in Birmingham, maybe stay in a hotel and then visit the event the following day. Whether this materialises, remains to be seen..I'm sorta trusting it and I hope it does but I have so many insecurities wracking my head at times, that I get all overwhelmed by them and feel as though I need to 'run' in my head cos I'm scared of letting go, spreading too much love and then becoming hurt..sounds depressing and heavy but believe me, I'm trying to work through it and I guess this is why A rang aswell partly - he was concerned about my sadness the other night..and of course he couldn'#t text me back as he had no credit. was at his parents and wanted to return courtesy.

Anyway, enough of that, I know I have an enormous heart and I guess what I'm saying is that I want to make sure the right person/people feel my love, so large is it at times that it scares me how much I do 'give' to people..

This weekend? I'm not sure for deffo what the plans are, I've invited A over again, I know he has loads of uni work and I don't want to distract him away from it but it would be nice to spend time with him again. He seemed keen though when we spoke and I hope he still is! I've been invited to a drum and bass event which if things go pear shaped, I may go to...but I'd prefer to be at home as this is my final weekend with a free reign of the house and last weekend was a true delight!

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