Crapness at my birthday!

My oh my, what a crap start to being 1 year older than last year! OK, so mates were lovely and I received some lovely pressies, this I'm honoured about. I had a weird but nice eve on Friday with A but then I received no card from A, just shows how unimportant I am..and thus, all of the weird expectations etc, got me a thinking and now after ridiculous texting..I walk alone ....again. Saying that, I felt a barrage of criticism on Friday from A, which began to start to feel bad and made me feel pretty shit so maybe, this was the message about to come anyway!

I can't be doing with detachment anymore when it comes to relationships with people and I don't care if people can't handle my open heart and honesty, full on-ness, love, kindness etc etc. I guess, another hard knock along the way just gives you a bit more heart bruising!! I guess I get too attached and I guess, that means, I have to be alone because it seems many people out there aren't on the level I'm on regarding opening the heart, or indeed seem to only love you when they're playing but at no other time - this, I can't do. I'm sad about all of this of course but been through worse and no doubt will experience crap again..

So, I guess it's time to knuckle down and think about future things. I think I'm gonna head out of the city next weekend and get a break from Notts.. Think I'll head out to the countryside and do a well needed walk..I hope the weather is as lovely as this weekend cos Derbyshire is lovely when it's sunny and autumn!

Fuckin life, does my head in at times! But maybe, just maybe, this is all the universal way of paths leading and unfolding to where they should lead...who fuckin knows??

So Sara, let's think all things positive thoughts.
1. Linton Kwesi in a few weeks time - Hooray.
2. Zero theatre play in a few weeks time - Hooray!
3. Thinking of going to do a music course at Confetti studios - Hooray if I get my shit together to do it!
4. Friend's 30th birthday in November!

Hmm keep on thinking positive thoughts!