Moment of clarity

Today, I had the most profund moment of clarity about life..I realised that I am free and liberated on many levels and I can do just as I like, indeed, within the realms of what being a mother entails of course.
I reminded myself that I don't need a any 'man' to define me. I also want a man who can be just as openhearted, giving, loving, caring, selflesss etc etc, as I know I am. I don't know where this feeling came from, but it occured whilst I was at A's flat; I read an interesting article in The Guardian yesterday in the Q and A section about John Waters who made silent films in the 60s and then went on to produce Pink Flamingoes and Hairspray. His idea bout love struck me when he said that his 'friends' love was the best - it lasts the longest'.
I liked this view because yes, all of my close and good friends have been there for me from day one and continue to fill my life with love and happiness without question and through thick and thin!

I also had a fleeting desire to head off out of the city for some country air again. Part of me feels like heading out to Edale for my birthday weekend - I love Edale in the Autumn..it's exhilerating and wonderful.I've semi planned other stuff with mates but to hell with it, I may just divert and head off out of the city with anyone who cares to head out with me..we'll see.

So A, he cooked me a lovely Indian meal and spent ages doing it, making everything from fresh ingredients and even hand made the chapatis! This was thoughtful, caring and sweet of him and pretty impressive too. There's something pretty sexy about watching a man cook especially when they spend so much time and energy doing this to please and ensure the taste buds are awoken! I spent many happy hours with him and always do, he makes me laugh and reminds me of how good it is to be in light and fun company!
This week is a hectic-ish one. I have a colleagues leaving do on Tuesday night in Nottingham. I also have a birthday meal with friends on Thursday and no fixed plans for the weekend as yet, so we'll see. It's also A's birthday so I'd like to do somethimg nice for him but no firm plans have been made as yet!
I also think my counselling is working well for me. It's making me think about many a thing and reflecting a lot about stuff..it sort of hurts my head a little afterwards but maybe this is why I'm also feeling moments of clarity and positivity!