Remembering and healing

In a few days time, the 27th to be precise, is the date my Mum died 3 years ago. How things have changed since then. It's rather strange when I think about it all. My home situation was chaotic and I yearned for change and yet I felt compelled to ride the storm as it were..until calmer times led me to the place where I am now and the situation that I find myself in. The time of her death and my whereabouts at that point in time, are also very clear in my mind too and it's sort of sad when I think about this..

I hadn't seen my Mum for two weeks before she died and this always played on my mind to be honest. She had endured what she thought, was a nasty stomach bug and told me to stay away to prevent me from getting it, in retrospect, I should've just gone to visit her regardless of her words. But I didn't and thus, the last time I saw her was when she had passed, laying peacefully on her bed. I will never forget this image and in many ways, it's almost as if the features of a dead one revert back to youthful and childlike, once they've passed. My passed Mum reminded me of a photo of when she was a young girl.

As time has passed, I guess I've dealt with her death in many different ways and I guess the hardest for me, has been not having her to confide in and indeed, sharing nice times with. Sudden death of a loved one, hits people strangely I think and indeed, doesn't prepare you like terminal illness possibly does.

I've also had some weird 'unexplainable' experiences since her passing; Grey white aura of a head and shoulders and being hugged by this, tapped on the back and bum not very long ago, a male angel dream or maybe, a visitation - who knows? The other night it felt as though someone was stroking my forehead whilst I lie in bed. I've never been susceptible to such happenings in the past and thus, wonder what or who they may be but they're not frightening nor or they intimidating and in many ways, very comforting..