Sunday, October 15, 2006

I'm so ashamed

The other day, I did something I'm not proud of, I reacted angrily and viciously to some comments someone made to me.In the normality of this, people would probably say I was right to act like this.But it just doesn't sit right with me. In fact this someone, is the object of my poems. I felt I had to get all of my anger out about so many things but this has made me feel extremely sad though.

All I really feel for this person is a continual love. I'm mad at myself for saying some of the things that I said. I'm mad at myself for stooping so low to retaliate in this way. I hate being like this with people;it reminds me of school days and how kids call names at each other. It's childish and not something I want to be part of especially when the words are being said to the person I have a deep love for. Even though I'm not with this person or in a relationship with this person, I still care deeply. I still love deeply. I still worry deeply. I still wish deeply.

Although I do feel some of the words I wrote to this person did need to be said, I'm so angry at myself for being so cutting, damning and downright abusive. I don't like acting this way with friends or lovers, for that matter.

I'm annoyed at myself.

1 comment:

Aunt Jackie said...

It is only human to feel things. We're not perfect, we're put here on this earth to learn and grow. I've been where you are now, I wish I could say that it completely fades, but a part of it will always be with you. Everything turns out for the greater good of all that is, and one day a bigger picture will reveal itself (i'm still waiting myself)... Hang in there!