Euggghhhhh back to work!

So back to work for me, dear me, not an entirely easy thought, not entirely welcoming or becoming..I don't feel ready to go back, then again, I never do! I like being at home chilling and taking things easy.

I guess this weekend will be all a bit random really, waiting to hear when/what's happening with Jake's Fathers flat.. I feel like I can really start planning things on a different sort of level.

I still miss Beloved, I don't know what he's up to of course, because I stopped the contact; sad and tragic to have to do this, but I just knew I had to protect my heart because it was going through too much pain when I thought about him moving away and indeed hearing about what he was up to with his new girlfriend. Of course, I feel this was unfair of me to be as such and SO not Buddhist..his happiness should make me happy, but, when you're emotionally involved with someone and have been into them for a long, long time, when they've inspired you to write poetry because of your deep feelings and indeed still are/do, then for me, it was hard to maintain the friendship on the level we were maintaining it as. I understand that age is a factor and many other things were a factor to him but to me, these things never should get in the way of deep feelings. That's just my opinion though and indeed, I have no right to assume someone should think like me or indeed, want what I wanted...

All I know is that the friendship, if one can call it that, was so important to me and so very special...Dear me..

Anyway, he lives in my heart and always will do..

Have a lovely weekend out there...