Sunday, March 12, 2006

Sunday, and I'm Beat!

My God people, what a week, what a weekend!! Not only am I beat emotionally, I'm beat physically!
Physically dear reader, I've partied harder than I have for quite a while - probably not reaching Glastonbury level of partying, but fairly close!
Friday night, I saw 4 gigs! 2 punk and 2 Ska, dear reader. The Heels, definitely get my 'seal of approval';Instrumental Ska that lifts your spirit and your soul. I danced for a good 3 hours I reckon.
An all- girl punk band, who I have no idea what their name was but who were also decidedly great. The lead vocalist in some ways, reminded me of the female singer from Crass.
I ended up a bit too wasted and struggled yesterday with the abuse from the night before.
My hangover cure? A long swim in cold water, gallons of fruit juice, teabags on my eyes, laughing about the night out with a friend and a hair of the dog.
Saturday night proved even better, dear reader. A mate's 50th birthday celebration at the Britannia boat club proved much fun and a well needed warm-up for the shenanigans later. Although, throughout the night, I watched a young couple so much 'in love' that I felt a pang of sadness. I was extremely happy for them but at the same time felt sad. Luckily, I managed to shelve that emotion for later!
12.30am and there I am at a manic, packed out Warehouse Party, just off Noel Street. It was absolutely rammed!! The atmosphere was one to die for! The music was excellent and hit all the right areas, enticing me to dance - HARD!! The people were friendly, the decor was inviting, the night was brilliant!!Truly brilliant! 5am I had to get back home, as I know that if I don't, I'll be in no fit state to look after the kids!
God am I beat today. I'm also beat emotionally today. I've been on a roller coaster of emotions this week too! I can't believe that at one minute you can feel extremely positive about someone in your life and the next, you feel positively saddened by them, to the point of complete emptiness; almost like your heart has been wrenched out but just clinging on by its last beat of life force. I've hit a real 'ache' in my heart again. I've allowed myself to feel this again. I'm not happy about this destructive feeling but I understand where it comes from. I understand this is a feeling that I can't keep experiencing. I can't let other's behaviour lead me to on a path of inner destruction. What makes it all so bad too, is when you've given so much of yourself; your time, your feelings, your love, your understanding and your belief in someone to the point that you feel they've just cast- away all of those feelings to nothingness. That hurts.

1 comment:

Sara said...

Yeah I don't really talk about stuff like this when on a social level. A long story but one I'm dealing with in my own way. Don't worry...everything's under control! I've got my lovely Josh Ritter to listen to and Six Feet under to take away the pain! :) Love to Dinah for me xx Thanks for the thoughts though.