After a good break in Edale, I've had time to reflect about stuff. A texted me and without going into detail, we won't be seeing each other again from the sounds of it. I'm sad about this because we get on well, I've had a real good laugh and much fun with him, I like him so much and I know I'm going to miss and grieve him. I'm going to miss not talking, loving and laughing with him.
We had planned to do quite a few things together but I guess because I'm such a 'full on person', some people find this, too much.
That's me though and if I ever meet another man who shows interest, I'm giving him a rundown of things about me, so that he can make his mind up about me rather than me wasting my energy and time getting to know someone and then having it kicked back in my face, which is how I feel about A in some respects. I guess this sounds like bollocks really but there we have it!
Gosh, all of these life's tests that are thrown at us beat me at times!
I went to a gig last night, Mad Professor heavy dub. It was good and heavy. I bumped into B who wanted to apologise about previous stuff. I was pissed and in a feisty mood so sort of dismissed him in a sense. I know he was trying to be sweet and the like and was sweet of him to apologise but my state of mind was in another place..under different circumstances, I'd have been a sweeter. I just didn't want to get heavily emotional last night due to other stuff. Maybe sometime we'll be able to sit down and talk about it together in an adult way.
A turned up and then went..he didn't want to talk to me which is sad and felt horrible for me. I tried to talk to him but he was having none of it..I guess the time is now one of knuckling down and getting on with stuff and stop letting my energies being sucked away..I just wish he'd explain a few things to me and let me discuss my point. I know I can be hard work on some levels and I feel that I pissed A off last week but things like this should be discussed, thus having a clearer mind. This is what I feel sad about aswell that I've not been able to discuss stuff with A. Ho Hum.
Time out for me and time out for serious reflection...Life goddamit, does my head in at times but then I have to think about what parts I'm playing in life and how this needs to be changed..all a sad learning experience I guess..
2 comments:
To qoute Marvin the paranoid android from my personal bible A Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy.... "Life don't talk to me about life!"
Ho hum - throw a six and start again.
Is the thing with A completely broke? Time is a great healer - so they say.
Thanks FOUTR, I don't know. I guess it is but it makes me sad to think it is and I tend to have loyal and good friendships with people..I'm sad about it but hey ho, I have to just try and get on with stuff. It's hard though when you've shared sweet times with someone and indeed, planned to do things in the future.. :-(
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