Saturday, April 19, 2008

To try and see the lightness...

So, I'm trying my damndest to see the lighter, good things in life and indeed make the good things happen.
I decided to go for a short while to the Highness reggae night tonight. The vibe was good and the music heavy - brill to hear the DJs play Clint Eastwood and General Saint track - Diseases! I love this track and have a copy on 12" vinyl!!!! I chatted to a few people outside, a few guys from Radford, one who was a care worker and who originally came from Jamaica..he said his Mum's name was Sarah too; sweet conversation with sweet, friendly guys. I decided to leave quite early as I felt tired and needed my bed, rest is definitely high on my priority list right now.

I've also received a phone call and a few texts from a one half of the couple I met in Jersey last year, John. These were a lovely couple and I really got on well with both of them. Sadly, J informed me that they've split up and are going their own ways but that he still really wanted to maintain contact with me. I thought this was sweet of him to think about me after such a long time! It was last August when I was in jersey and I've really only had a little bit of contact with them since then. I have been thinking of possibly visiting Jersey again this year and John did mention that if I do visit then I must look him up as he's permanently residing there again. This I may do and it's good to have another friend somewhere else in the world. When I think to the time we all spent together on my holiday, it was great fun. J and his ex girlfriend were most kind, generous, thoughtful and sweet! The sort of people that I want in my life for the future - those who reflect what I am in reality and what I always have been. My friend advised me to write a list of negatives and positives in my life and focus my energy on the positives rather than the negatives - I think this is sound advice and indeed what I am essentially in need of.

I have another 10 days off work before I go the Dr again.. I don't know what the outcome will be but time out is definitely helping me reflect about the past few years and the things that I need to move forward from. A friend suggested that I've reached Burnout with everything and indeed the symptoms I'm describing according to her are that of Burnout. Indeed, I have been working in a very demanding environment for nearly 10 years...giving to the some of the most emotionally troubled people you could wish to meet. This is no easy feat really and is making me think about my career for the future.. I'm off to Yoga on Tuesday, in aid of grounding and relaxation. This will be good for me - It really will.

I've also been invited to the Love Music Hate Racism carnival in London on Sunday by my friend Anna. I think I'll go along to this, it'll do me good to get a change of scene and indeed feel the carnival vibe. I'm missing A very much, I'm trying not to focus on it but I'm no good at this being intimate one minute and then having it all pushed away the next..it hurts and it makes me sad but I can't let it keep holding me back...

Off to bed now and ready for sleep.

2 comments:

Furtheron said...

Changing bad stuff is always difficult but making more of good stuff is not so hard. So I definitely agree with the advice.

Jersey - lovely place, we had our honeymoon there in 1985. We were skint and couldn't even hire a car so we went back in 1987 when we had a bit more cash and that was a great holiday.... too much drinking but that was the old days...

Went back again in 2006 I think it was. We'd planned to go a couple of years before with my brother and his family before his marriage broke up but we had to cancel at the last moment as my father-in-law was very ill. He died that week so we couldn't have gone at all.

I know we loved the holiday there when we did get back as a family. We stayed in the country lovely place, red squirrels running about and all that.

Stay positive, stay focused on you and good luck.

Sara said...

Thanks FOUTR, I try my best to stay positive and indeed look towards a lighter future..thanks for your supportive words..Yeah, Jersey is a lovely place and I may just head on over there!