Recently, this week in fact, things have been rather turbulent with me. My mood has fluctuated from being calm and sure, to angry and sad. I know where these feelings have been born from.
The trouble is, when you have so much love in your heart for someone, how do you stop this? Is it possible to stop this? Is it wise to stop wishing?
Last night, I made a fool of myself. I was antagonistic, angry, challenging and emotional as hell. I knew visiting my loved one, was a mistake so soon. But the trouble is, when you're so in love with someone, you just want to see them. The excitement mounts and the anticipation aches; This was me last night, prior to visiting my beloved.
After my changeable, emotional outbursts at my loved one, I returned home and sobbed for hours. I then fell into a deep sleep.
I dreamed about my beloved. I dreamed I was lying next to him, our hands met each others and clasped together. A heat so intense was generated through our palms. I felt at one, I felt happy and sure.
I woke up this morning to realise that this had all been a dream. I honestly thought it was real.
I sobbed again and laid in my bed, drifting in and out of sleepworld, until 3pm today..
I wish I could sleep for a month and forget my troubles and wake up to a world that feels a little kinder and a little more loving...I wish my beloved loved me, as strong as I love him.
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Hope it's o.k. to respond to this one... I merely wanted to say that I totally understand how you feel, and I don't think there is a good answer for any of it. The Heart is a horse with no reigns.
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