Sunday, December 17, 2006

Revelation

After a very dodgy night of excess, I think it's time I cleaned my act up. In my fantasy head, I would actually love to find a retreat somewhere, a long way from here, where I can find peace of mind. Where I can stay and be looked after for some time; nurtured, loved, cared for..almost like being a baby again, reverting back to a fetal like feeling..where the troubles of the world are unknown and not yet experienced.
I have so much love in my heart for one person that it's hard to imagine where this love can go. Therefore, a retreat, at this moment in time feels like the way forward; To find inner peace and contentment in life.
I used to feel that I had inner peace a while back but this year has been an extremely testing one...I actually would go as far to say that I've been a bit of a mess this year. Messy! Messy in my head, caused by having to deal with so much stress and change in my life. I know these things are put in our paths to test us but I do feel that I've had far too may testing times now and need solace.
So people, sorry to rant about these sort of things today but this is where my head and heart is today. Believe me, if I had no responsibilties in my life I'd seriously be off. I'd be packing my stuff and heading off to a place that feels more simplistic; a retreat, a commune, a monastery..anywhere that feels like a nurturing, loving, sharing environment. I feel like I want to be small again, be bathed by another, have my hair and body washed by another, be dried by another - you know - like when you're younger and your Mum waits for you with a warm towel, whilst you get out of the bath..
I can totally understand why people become addicted to heroin...this must be that sort of warmth and comfort that they are trying to recreate and experience again for themselves, maybe even trying to find a warmth that they've never experienced before in their life - especially if they've never had a family to speak of...if they've been in care for example.....
So, God, whoever you are, please bless these troubled souls and let them find peace in their hearts and souls and grant me a smoother ride in life next year..

No comments: