Finding me

You
My desire, my energy, my love, my fire
You?
Deny my love, cheapen it, refuse that it exists
I can understand why
I think I know why..you've told me why,
You keep telling me why.
Apparently, it goes along the lines of
'I.... Need to escape from..
you.'
How very altruistic of you?
How about,
'I.... don't want to escape from...
You?

You don't always fancy me
Fair enough,
I say to myself.
I have unrealistic expectations maybe?
Of you
Of relationships, love, life, men.

I read today about Jake Gyllenhall.
He reminded me about energy.
Energy existing
Energy alive, between people
In the universe.
I know WE have energy
Together
I feel it, I sense it, I love it.
From day one
Energy fired away, took a hold of our cells
And worked it's magical ways.
It grasped ME and YOU.
Maybe then, it's all about the energy?
And what it does to you?
Too strong?
Too scary?
Too deep?

But then again
Maybe it's all about the TRUST
Not being able to?
Your mind playing games on you
Telling you that I'm an -
'UNTRUSTWORTHY WOMAN'
'Don't go near her, Dont let her get too deep, under your skin'
Says the mind.

I can UNDERSTAND this.
BUT don't you realise that
MY life
HAD COMPLICATIONS back then.
You pushed me away - fair enough.I understand.
Now?
My life is less complicated now

You came to ME
I didn't ask YOU to.
YOU wanted to.
AND I
Wanted you to come to me,
To find me.
Find me, you did.
YOU
Begged me to see you again.
I denied, I refrained, I succombed.
I saw you again.
and again
and agin
and again.
And so we go on and here we are today
Still no closer.
OK, we know each other better
We know each others' anger.
Which buttons to press
And press, have we...
My sweet,
Bitter/sweet
Fire/explode
Anger/heat
Madness/passion

I'm so ecstatically, fanatically and as Bjork says,
Violently happy
That I LOVE YOU.