Saturday, April 07, 2007

The Idea of The Nuclear family

I wonder why the 'Nuclear Family' was termed as such? R.D Laing implied that the nuclear family had the capability to be like a tennis game, with the kids being privvy to the onslaught of their battling parents..Parents playing the tennis game with the kids being the tennis ball - batted around and the like. Maybe the term is because family life has the tendency to be a tad toxic at times, hence the reference to all things 'nuclear'.
The reason I'm talking about this on this fine Saturday is because I watched the film Frida last night and I've also read a wondeful article in the paper about a woman who loved all of her 'mothers'.
Firstly, Frida Kahlo lived a particlarly fascinating life but had such pain on an emotional and physical level. Indeed she fell in love unconditionally with Diego Rivera, a womanising giant, who in fact too, was very much in love with Frida but acted on his 'animal' impulses, as with time, so did she. Funnily enough, when the tables were turned and Frida gave herself to others, especially a man, Diego would be insanely jealous, furious and heartbroken and yet his behaviour was to him, acceptable. Over time, this couple managed to maintain a life and it's clear to see, did really love each other;lived in seperate quarters and came together for fun, discussion, love etc. Not the family/couple norm I guess, compared totoday's equivalent. In a way I admire Frida's strength and can totally relate to the depth of love she had for Diego..they were best friends and in so many ways complimented each other. I guess what I'm saying is, who are we as people to judge anyone's way of living?
Moving on from this, the article I read today was so inspiring. The woman involved, had been brought up, over time, by 3 different mothers. An adoptive mother, a step mother and then partly met her birth mother. She loved all of these women greatly and in different ways. Her attack on Thatcher's/new right ideology of 'family life' was eloquently addressed and indeed refuted. She also reminded me that so many families do have such intricate 'make ups' and that as long as a child is loved and cared for then so what? I totally agree..
I had a 'nuclear family' upbringing, however my Mum and Dad fostered many kids and I loved it! I loved to met new kids and share my bedroom with the girls that came to stay at our house. I guess I've always had the sensitive, empathetic qualities passed onto me by lovely Mum. My own kids aren't in a 'nuclear family' scenario. Two different fathers for both kids, an impatient Mum who loses her temper fairly often but does show them love and care. Even though both relationships have failed, I think my kids are pretty much OK. They have good relationships with both fathers and indeed, so do I. From my perspective, if kids can see that you have a general respect, care and compassion for your ex's then this makes for a smoother ride..and indeed a lack of negative, bad feelings on all sides. And, even though I'm very much magically 'in love' with the person I write my poetry about, and we haven't shared the same sort of experiences as my ex's, I'm OK about this because the love I feel for him, is such a forceful, deeper and more stronger feeling, than I've ever felt before. It allows me to remember who I am, it awakens me, it reminds me that the passion I have always had inside of me from being a girl to a woman, has at last been realised.
So, we all have our quirky ways of being, living, interracting, coping, loving and I'm glad we do, because I fear the world would be such a prescriptive,boring and even more judgemental place, if we didn't..

1 comment:

Daniel Hoffmann-Gill said...

Hope your Easter was all good.