Wednesday, November 08, 2006

New Day, New Start

Sorry people for my miserable outbursts. I've been going through a lot of pain really for quite a long time, in one way or another.
I've always wanted to be with a person who can't be with me, for whatever; I love him unconditionally but I now realise that 20 months is a long time to wait for a person who doesn't want to be with me. In this time also, my Mother has died and I finally, have managed to untie the leash of a long term dead relationship, after years of feeling a great sense of emotional dissatisfaction.
I always, in my hearts of hearts, felt I would eventually be with the person, whom I feel an unconditional love for. I guess this is never going to happen. I guess I've been far too stuck in a dream world of delusional thoughts and wishing something more would materialise with this beloved.
Sadly, I'm now trying to face the reality of cutting off my emotions. I find this hard to do, when I have so much love for the person. I know through history, lovers have felt this pain and woe but it's just so tragically upsetting, especially when 'the beloved' has been in your thoughts since you met them; You've shared warm times with them, you feel connected to them, you feel a real sense of 'love' from them, you love being with them and you hate being away from them and you feel special when you're with them. All of these feelings are really hard to just cut off for me but I know I have to try my best to do this. I know a flame in me, will feel like it's dying but I hope someday, a flame will be reignited again.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Yes....been there recently and know the pain...it gets better.

Aunt Jackie said...

I'm all for outbursts... Keeping things bottled up is not good, so burst away. Can at least send you positive thoughts.