A year ago this weekend

I can't believe that a year has nearly passed since the passing of my Mother; it's still all so clear in my head. The whole weekend is as clear as crystal for me and especially the morning of my Mum's death.

All I remember feeling, when I saw my Mum lying in her bed at peace, was complete disbelief, I kept saying her name, waiting for a response from her, until my sister gently came over to me and hugged me. I knew then that my Mum had passed.
It was all so surreal in many ways and 'out of reality'. My final resting memory of her, is a peaceful and happy one;I couldn't believe how much she resembled herself as a child. I'd seen photos of her when she was small and her face almost replicated the one in the childhood photos. She was at peace and at complete rest.

I really think death is a time that we should have more involvelment with because it really is a 'part of the process' of life. Therefore, to take death and dying from the home and into 'hospital' surroundings, makes death more controlled and clinical. I think other cultures have got it right with regards to death. The Mexicans celebrate it, ancient cultures saw it as moving on to 'other worlds'.

I'm thankful that my Mum passed away at home, in the comfort of her bed. I'm thankful that my Mum was such a good mother to me and taught me the values that I have today. My mum always saw the 'good' in people. She always felt people should be treated fairly.

I miss the times, as a teenager, that I used to sit up late at night, talking about all different things with my Mum. I know my Mum was always a little fearful that I was 'too sensitive' at times. But at the end of the day, this was my personality and I'm glad to be of a sensitive nature. It also makes me sensitive to those around me to the point whereby I can often 'sense' their pain and unhappiness.

Therefore, I want to thank but remember my Mum this weekend, for giving me life and being the listening ear and loving, understanding person she was.

So today, I'm off to the cemetry later on with a few pots of fresh Heather and some fresh flowers. My Mum loved the plant Heather because it could be so colourful, at this dark time of the year. I also want a plant that will endure the cold, winter months and Heather is perfect for this, it's a beautiful, hardy little plant.I also love the fact that it grows high up on the hills. I love the Heather that grows around the peak area, high up on the Grindsbrook area of Edale. Beautiful, delicate and bright purple.

Janet Patricia 27th November 2005
Your memory and soul lives on in the heart and soul of all who loved you.