Ingrained

Today I went to look for some more flowers for my garden but ended up buying nothing. I couldn't find anything that I really liked.
I keep thinking about the rose business that my earlier poem is about and it's making me feel pretty sad really.

I'm supposed to be at a friend's solstice party on saturday and then maybe to a club night in the city but I have noone to go with, which is making me feel a little weirded out, especially when it's a club that I'm not overly keen on. Oh, I don't know, I guess I'll just have to see what happens on Saturday. A and I had semi planned to go away this weekend, which is also on my mind loads..thinking about where we might've gone but I know that sort of thinking is destructive so I'm trying to think in the now.

I think my massage and meditation will do me good..I have to return to the Drs next week again. I don't want to return to work yet, I'm not ready and I need some time alone in my house when my eldest son has departed for Denmark on Monday. I also need to talk the Dr about a lot of breathlessness that I keep getting..don't know what that's all about..Hmm