The road to....

Sometimes I think I'm not trusted...I can understand why this may be the case but if people actually took the time out to hear my side of things and understand things from my perspective, then I think they'd understand where I'm coming from...I never want people not to trust me. In a previous relationship, I banged on about change, change change and nothing changed. I lost hope, I lost love, I lost faith, I lost trust. I was honest, I was kind, I was loving, I was open...This did me no favours at the end of the day cos it all seems really, that 11years can never change a person.
Sometimes I guess in life too, we all do things to try and make a person we love jealous because we only want them and them only..this is wrong. I've been wrong in the recentish past to 'buy' into this game. I don't like it and it doesn't fit right to me..I guess when our love is so deep and we've been hurt too, by another in different ways, we put a protective shell around us - which can come in the form of white lies...wrong, very wrong. I confess to doing this on an occasion because I was so unhappy that the person I loved, loved another more than me, at least so it felt and so it seemed...I guess at the time the only thing for me was to try and pretend my life was OK when actually, it was shit and I was yearning and hurting deep down inside...
So... all past issues have to be laid to rest. I am a trustworthy person despite what others think. When I'm 'in love and with a person' I'm one of the most giving and loyal people ever...Men don't appeal to me in the sense of 'on the lookout', my heart is always with my loved one...
Circumstances in the past have made me sad and led me to crave love and desire because when you feel undesirable and unloved - or more - loved on a practical level, then the heart closes down and loses love..Luckily for me, my heart was opened up to love again and has been for 2 years now..I wish this love could go somewhere...I really do...