Sunday, December 02, 2007

Why???????

OK, so I've had a little bit of time to contemplate stuff. I'm actually questioning why a person would forget a touching moment and indeed always a lively event such as New Year's Eve; Indeed to be called at 3am in the morning, a person seemingly very happy to see you, then the gift of offering so much physical and emotional love and affection to a person, is difficult to contemplate when someone forgets this dear, dear me.. Well, I'm thinking hard and my conclusions lead me to the following thoughts and reasons:

1. The person was extremely drunk/wasted and has no memory
2. The person detached his emotion from the event
3. The person's brain is not wired up the same way as mine is and thus may experience some sort of memory loss.
4. The person is experiencing some confusion about many things and has genuinely forgotten


I always try to understand the 'why' of a given situation and indeed try to make sense of it. Granted I was very angry and upset the other night about the words I heard because sincerity and honesty are virtues that I've always held as important to me and the friends/lover I choose.
I'm mad at myself for being upset and shouting but at times like this, these sort of denials are really upsetting and make you feel like the event was unspecial, unimportant, untrue. This is why I'm upset.

I do hope that one day I'll talk to beloved about this but I feel that I'm best having a little time out because he has a new girlfriend which, as much as I try not to, I can't help but feeling sad about it, selfish reasons of course on my part..I find it hard to even talk about her with him, which means that I should take time out and step back. I want for him to be happy in his life but I guess when you see a person you love with another, it makes you feel sad and lonely inside.

I think this week is one for quiet contemplation and reflection. I always have had love in my heart for beloved and deep down, I feel he has for me, but he chooses his path for reasons that are understandable but still, this doesn't make it any easier. Oh dear, what a quandry and I'm sorry that my last few posts have taken so much of this sort of energy but I just have to feel like I can get things a little off my chest....
Sometimes, I think I really should've been born into a different period of time..

3 comments:

Furtheron said...

Hmm - now there are moments in my life I remember vividly, very important to me. But to the others involved - a moment, a good moment but not a stunning moment. I think it's just how we're wired up.

Sara said...

Interesting comment and thanks. I guess it shows the difference between people's feelings..Time to sleep on that one and wake up thinking a little clearer, maybe? To me, it was a special beautiful night, to him? Must've meant nothing much. Ho hum.

FOUR DINNERS said...

People are people babe. Some good n bad, some bad n good....some just drunk.

Some blokes struggle to show their feelings and some might struggle to admit a great night even if they thought it was.

We're shallow creatures us blokes you know....