God! I Could Fucking Scream............

Today, I woke up feeling fine. As the day went on, I started to feel like the way I live my life is futile. The ridiculousness of chasing up data for my job, which in fact isn't my bloody responsibilty, especially when I've qualified to be a teacher, really grates on me..
My eldest son too, is really grating on me. I was told to 'F*** off' this morning. Been called a 'fat cow and to stop eating less' amongst a load of other abuse. Makes me laugh cos I don't eat loads and I never brought him up to call people names like that..Where have I gone wrong? (I guess the politicians and moralists would be banging on about 'single parenting' bullshit!)
I seriously want to knock his head off right now but I've grounded him instead. I actually, at this moment in time wouldn't give a damn if he went to live abroad with his father. I'd be happy about this right now...harsh words I know but truthful and will be probably be regrestful in the morning.
I'm also sick of my ex still not having a proper place to live and relying on others - 43 years old and drifting along, as though the world will all fall into place really pisses me off!! I'm sick to the back teeth of it, in all honesty...I try to be kind and helpful but I sometimes feel that by acting this way, doesn't actually help some people to get their shit together - ie; HIM.
I feel like proper fucking off today and never returning to this 'life as I know it' right now. I'm having a bad day, so don't take it all literally..I'm just sounding out that's all. I'm sure I'll feel a lot calmer tomorrow when I've slept and wake up refreshed.
My Mum, when she was alive and when the 'homelife' became too much, used to take herself off for 3 days or so. I actually think I've inherited some of her 'flitting off' genes, when everything feels too much. She'd just leave the house, without telling us where she was going and then return, when her head was clear. I can totally relate to the need for doing this at times.
I actually keep thinking myself about a life elsewhere. I really feel like I could do with living in a slower, calmer and not so manic environment, away from the hustle and bustle that Nottingham and the cities of England, are beginning to feel like... I can't see me doing this for a long, long time in all honesty but the feeling of itchy feet is becoming a regular thought in my mind...
Oh well chin up Sara, new day tomorrow - it'll soon be here!